Barn-Raising

Food dancing

2010-11-05T09:00:00.007-04:00

Giving up control over my kids' food choices was a long, hard road. Floating, taunting GMO, pesticide, dye and corn syrup monsters would swirl around my head, laughing at my inability to protect my kids, every time they ate anything that wasn't organic or was too processed. I didn't always say something, but said enough to make a big issue out of food. This resulted in Gillen sneaking sugary foods into his room and in him biking to the store to find the choices that were denied him at home.

We have come through this difficult time. I backed off a few years ago and have learned that the kids do make good choices on their own. They love vegetables and eat them all the time. They eat them raw at the farm and they happily eat things like kale salad, vegetable soups or sauteed Bok Choi. They also like sugar, a lot, but prefer the natural sodas and homemade baked stuff to the nerds and airheads, for the most part.

I realized, a few months ago, that Gillen may have the gluten-intolerance that my father and sister and I have. He was having some of the same symptoms. In order to find out, Nicolas, Jesse, Gillen and I did an elimination diet/cleanse, for a week. We ate no corn, gluten, sugar, caffeine, meat, beans, potatoes or dairy. We ate a lot of fruit smoothies, brown rice, quinoa tabouli, stir fries, soup, fish, vegetables and good oils. The first few days were very difficult for Gillen, but he hung on for the whole seven days. The coloring in his face changed, he slimmed down and he had more energy. He told us that he felt great. The rest of us got a lot out of it as well. This was right before Halloween and the candy just didn't taste like we wanted it to. Our taste buds had changed.

Gillen is still going to eat gluten and sugar. When he reintroduced gluten, he didn't notice any huge difference in his body. He is eating less of it. If he does has a gluten-intolerance, he will deal with it when he is ready. Now that he has a reference in his body for what it feels like to only eat lots of non-processed pure food, he appreciates eating it even more.

At the beginning of the cleanse, Gillen happened to discover Anthony Bourdain, food adventurer, on netflix instant view. Over the last few weeks, we have traveled with Bourdain to eat in Vietnam, China, France (that one was during the cleanse - ridiculous that we kept cleansing instead of eating French cheeses!), Sicily, New Jersey..., last night - Polynesia. It is a fantastic show, besides the fact that it makes us all want to move immediately to each location - well, maybe not the one in Finland that was filmed in winter. It's making me want to eat cool fish and coconut milk concoctions for breakfast, like they did in Polynesia, and to consider eating parts of animals and fish that I would never have considered even looking at before (not that the kids have the same reaction). Food and its preparation is so diverse and gives us such a tangible link to a location that we may not get to see in person.

I'm ready to eat even more meals with all locally-produced ingredients. The cleanse reminded us of just how much we can do with our vegetables. But I can't imagine eating this way to the exclusion of unagi (smoked eel in sushi) or Asian meals that call for imported spices, or cheeses and chocolate that come from Europe (although more and more raw, aged cheeses are being produced in America). We can't afford a whole lot of these which makes them that much more special when we do get them.

I'm glad to have let go of the protective health fanatic persona that used to try to run the show. Now, food is a dance between following our senses, our associations, our opportunities for something new and different and following our knowledge. Hopefully, we have left behind the fear.

Willie, the new puppy, frequently follows her nose to the compost pile. The other day we saw her black blur running by under a big orange pumpkin.
Turns out that pumpkin is not a good choice for puppies. It was a stinky afternoon.
I love that Nicolas volunteered to help make thumbprint cookies with Jesse the other night, late.

The next night, my turn, we made old fashioned custard. Not exactly exotic, but oh so good.

All this food rambling is here to remind me to trust. It's always been easier for me in other areas than in this one.

Stitch and Witch

2010-10-27T15:37:00.006-04:00

Last month, we spent the weekend with six other GA unschooling families at Fort Mountain State Park in north Georgia. We hiked, paddle-boated, swam at twilight in our clothes (the youngest and most intrepid of us), played putt-putt golf, ate lots of food and played games such as flashlight tag and "Pretty Pretty Princess" (both popular among the younger boys : ) But we never got around to the knitting or crocheting or stitching. This was a great excuse for me to throw a Halloween stitch and witch party with the same group of people (minus one family with a sick mom who was very missed.)

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Somehow, some southern Christians have manipulated things such that we have to trick-or-treat on Saturday whenever Halloween falls on a Sunday around here (apparently we shouldn't worship Satan on a Sunday - I never suspected that Satan had anything to do with Halloween, still don't.) This makes me mad and ranting could now hijack my blog post...I'll chew on some pumpkin seeds. Back to our Stitch and Witch party.

Preparing:
We lined the hall with larger than life fake webs, but the resident spiders helped us out as well.
Gillen always gets this expression when he is focused. I wish I'd caught the dimple and the tongue.Lately, he's been focused on hunting - hours and hours of completely silent waiting (no deer hit by him yet) from 5am-11, and then again for hours at night. He's also focused on guitar and on playing with a group of neighborhood boys, and girl, who ride bikes and play football with him once they're out of school. I miss him.

But for the last few days, we had the younger, more homebody side of Gillen at thirteen. He wanted to plan the preparations and help with the cooking. It was mostly younger kids coming to the party so he ended up leaving towards the end of the party to play football with his friends, but he was committed to helping make it happen.

There was a moment, during our crazed last minute preparations, when he wanted to drop everything to go shoot a squirrel in the backyard. The idea of having to brine a squirrel carcass right then, with so much else to do, had me screaming liking a banshee (aren't banshees more related to Hallween than satan?)

I am working on being a moment-to-moment, mostly-conscious mama. I'm definitely not there yet, especially when I've taken on way too many projects, supposedly for my kids.
The ugly moment passed quickly. The forgiveness I received was as sweet as chocolate (I'd say sweeter than but we all just did a week-long cleanse and right now chocolate is seriously sweet).

Stitching with Annie Hall and Zombie Woman/Scar Face:Dead Man Walking by:
All of the kids on the trampoline, watching each other do skits:Nicolas knows the right days to come home for lunch:

Friends

2010-10-16T11:33:00.012-04:00

Playing a great new board game that we bought a few weeks ago, Settlers of Catan We have played most every day since:We are so lucky. We have three very local (I'm talking out-here-in-the-boondocks-with-us local) families who unschool. The kids are very close. The kind of close that they can have three people together for a slumber party and no one ever gets left out. The kind of close where they respect each others' differences, with no fear of being judged or dropped. I love hearing, "That's your favorite movie (lego set, yu gi oh deck, book, drink)? Really? Not me." Great debates ensue with no one thinking they are going to change anyone's mind, they just love the debate.

I learned a theory from my brother, years ago, who learned it from a consulting whiz, that people learn best when in groups of seven. Interesting. A lot of learning happens with these kids as a result of just hanging out together, sharing their passions, free to experiment, fail and then learn from their mistakes, uninhibited by adult control. It's hard sometimes, not interfering, just waiting for them to ask for help. Especially when directing or art are involved (for me personally). I've learned (I keep relearning this!) that my unsolicited advice just stops their flow, frustrates them, keeps them from that brazen confidence that allows them to take the risks that forge new paths. Risks that I, who mostly learned from books and in classes, am hesitant to take.

I'm grateful for all of our friends, near and far.

And, we're incredibly grateful that our eleven year old dog, Tuki, has a young, new friend:
Four-month old Willie (named for my great-grandmother) showed up on our porch about a month ago. Tuki has a new lease on life. She's learning and teaching a lot lately.

"Follow me Willie, here's how to dig up the chipmunk we buried several days ago":
That is Leonard next to Willie, lying down exhausted from all the wrestling. Leonard used to be one of the boys favorite beings and is now Willie's favorite chew toy.

Willie has been going to work with Nicolas at the farm. Tuki gets a much needed break from the constant Willie love-fest. Time alone is good too. But after a while, we all miss our friends.

A few moments,

2010-10-10T12:08:00.010-04:00

from the past several months:

In the spring, we noticed the local school kids at our public park having their end of year Field Day. Remember that awesome day when you get to ditch the routine for egg tosses and three legged races? Jesse decided that we should have a Field Day too. So we had a few friends come to the same field, a few weeks later, for kick ball, water balloon tosses, egg tosses and three legged races. They even made Field Day shirts. Next year, we'll have to make it bigger!

Another highlight was going to visit my sister, and friends, in Montana.

Hiking in Yellowstone National Park:

Skipping stones on one of the beautiful rivers in Bozeman:
In my sister's back yard creek:
Planning how to launch the homemade raft (we'd been reading Huckleberry Finn together):
Making the raft:Our intrepid host, Matt, not quite acclimated to summer water temperatures there yet.

Gillen was in ecstasy there. Fly fishing:

We even went to a ranch for a few days, where we got to ride horses several times in the mountains near Yellowstone and Gillen did some more fishing. He would like to be a cowboy one day.

Learning something new

2010-02-12T18:48:00.006-05:00

Since December, I've rarely been on the internet, except to google a few things and to buy some others. I have checked email once or twice a day, though sometimes I've even forgotten to do that. I didn't plan to stop checking blogs or writing here. It was the result of learning something new. It started with meditating. Consistently. Every day. That was new. And then I wanted to learn how to paint. Last week, it was collages.

In addition, waiting for Gillen to come out of his guitar class one day, I bought a keyboard. I've been reteaching myself piano (it's been thirty years). Crazy, eh? I'm lovin' it.

Of course, when you are surrounded by kids who have the freedom to follow every new passion and whim where it may lead, you tend to want to follow suit. Especially when they are old enough that there is room in the day to do so.

And it was Zoe. My friend Zoe left this world in early January after a long battle with breast cancer. She was so intense in her commitment to her kids and to her other passions; I think I have felt inspired to live fully committed to every moment, since I am still here and I can. Zoe means life. I feel imbued with life right now.

Though it may only happen once a month, I do want to stay connected to family and friends through this blog, and by reading others' wonderful blogs. Facebook - hmmm. That's a bit harder to take on part-time, but it feels better than quitting it completely, for now.

Today, several inches of snow had the boys building forts in the backyard and I picked up my camera - for the first time in months.

Again, after getting snow here just last March, a winter wonderland, here in Georgia:
Life is good.

Sweet moment

2009-12-17T14:02:00.006-05:00

In the midst of the usual sibling wrestling and screaming, there was this - an inspired moment of giving. Gillen got up before Jesse did and decided to make him breakfast and bring it to him in his room.
For a moment, Jesse said, he thought it must be Christmas.

What they chose to do today

2009-11-24T18:54:00.004-05:00

Jesse started a screenplay that is already five pages, printed out and cast, ready for its first day of shooting tomorrow with Eli, Alexander and Gillen. There will be more actors added on Friday. Right now, props and masks are being created.
In his spare time he cracked many pecans from the farm for the pie. We're all still cracking now, while watching SYTYCD and we are only half way there.
Earlier, we realized that we needed more nuts, the squash and the herbs for the next stage of the slow cooking marathon. Gillen brought his newest duct tape creation (intended originally to carry nerf bullets in the next ARGH nerf war) to the farm in order to easily collect the pecans.
It makes quite a cool man bag.
And, he came home wanting to make dinner! Man. My gratitude is overflowing. Salad filled with chopped root vegetables, mashed potatoes, and Romanesco cauliflower (newest thing Nicolas is growing - looks like light green broccoli and is delicious).
I am so grateful to have ended up with these two amazing boys in my life. Now I have to stop writing about them so that I can help them with the cracking.

Local Thanksgiving

2009-11-19T08:50:00.013-05:00

A few months ago, some talented, young cool women from Lake Oconee Living magazine came to the farm to interview Gillen about his turkeys. In their article about his heritage bird business they also interviewed us about what our family eats for Thanksgiving. Here are some of the recipes we use since becoming more aware of eating locally, all glossy and beautifully dressed up by the magazine:

The noble birds who starred on the magazine's cover, here more humbly photographed by me:

These are a few of those who were experiencing the inside of a coop for the first time the other day. It was their last stage of life before becoming next week's meal. Their end was very quick and Gillen and Nicolas did all that they could to make it pain free. I'm glad that there are still several gobbling and free and that the very first bird, Cody, will die of old age.

Curing the blues

2009-11-18T08:48:00.005-05:00

Sometimes, even the most cheerful of us have dire, out of the blue blues. The other day, it was Jesse who was feeling down. It wasn't, of course, completely random. He had waited all day for a Bionicle that he ordered to arrive and when it didn't, he lost his sense of purpose.

He didn't think that listening to sad music and really getting into it was the way he wanted to go (yes, I do that) but did decide to take my advice to go outside.

What do you do when you're blue, and you're Jesse? Create a "J" with your bottle cap collection and then bury it in the dirt.

Much better.

Moving sand art

2009-11-17T10:50:00.003-05:00

My mother's father was from the Ukraine. I grew up hearing, tasting and admiring all things Russian. He died when my mother was 13 (murdered, long strange story) so I never knew him. But she passed along some of this heritage through her passion for Russian artists (mostly dancers), blinis at The Russian Tea Room, and through the music. Oh. How I love the music. I wish that she were still here to have felt this performance with me. I hope one of you watching is as blown away by it as I am.

A bright weekend

2009-11-15T20:39:00.008-05:00

On Saturday, Jesse and I went with friends to a Tibetan Festival in Atlanta at a new temple there. We loved the food, the dozens of colorful prayer cloths shining in the sun, and learning how to make sand mandalas. There is a copper tool that is used to place the sand more specifically where you want it. In order to move the sand out of it, you vibrate this tool with a long copper bow. This creates a wonderful, calming hum while you work. I liked the sound and the mandala possibilities so much that I bought one there. It is called the chokpur. Elizabeth and our new friend Frances checking out the food:We liked all of the jewelry, journals and clothes that they were selling to help fund their temple. I especially liked Jesse and Eli in these hats:
Last night, the brighteness came from Jupiter, the Andromeda galaxy and the dumb bell nebula (an exloded star) - all of which we saw down the street at the nature center. The Atlanta astronomy club meets there every month and they really seemed to love sharing their passion and their telescopes with us.

A few more colors from today, with friends on the trampoline:

How to get out of my head - a reminder to myself

2009-11-12T09:30:00.013-05:00

Sometimes I get stuck -mired in my own muddy thoughts.

It's usually when I'm not looking in the right direction.
When I forget to see life in unexpected places.

and lose sight of the abundance right in front of me.
It helps to put on the wide angle lens and take in their perspective (like when I watched Jesse the other day at our former beaver pond, patiently hunting for tadpoles with his spear).
Listening is good (here, Jesse is describing the interaction of his spear and the tadpole's skull).Or, I watch the way others interact.
In silence,

or not.
I like imagining through his eyes,

and the reminder to just keep moving.

Sara's WanderCraft book

2009-11-01T10:33:00.002-05:00

I received a beautiful small scrapbook, sewn together and covered artfully by Sara at WanderCraft. Her etsy store opens today. Check it out! I blogged about her book here.

Halloween Orange

2009-10-31T21:29:00.005-04:00

And when there was a blue moment, we followed our orange dog to the dirt roads, highlighted by orange of course.

Party for The Graveyard

2009-10-31T10:29:00.008-04:00

At the beginning of the week we found out about a party being held last night for Neil Gaimon's (he wrote Coraline, among many other books) newest book - The Graveyard. We have been to this unique children's book store several times before, once for a rocking Harry Potter party, so we knew it would be worth it to drive in last night for this and we read as much of the book as possible during the week. The invitation asked that only those nine-years old and up attend as they planned to scare the life out of us. Gillen and Jesse wore frightening costumes but you'll have to take my word for it. I only have pictures of them with peeled back layers and with their sweet faces showing through.
I love that Gillen still gets scared. He didn't even go with Jesse and I on the dungeon horror walk. I think this shot caught the moment when his imagination got the better of him and he stepped out of the line.

I love a party that can provide a terrifying ghost walk, an eleven year old great lead singer:AND the possibility of reading books while you party:
The party was held in answer to a challenge put out by the author, Neil Gaimon, to independent booksellers. Whichever book store put on the greatest Graveyard party will be honored by a visit from Gaimon in December. I don't know how anyone could have surpassed Little Shop of Stories.

WanderCRAFT book

2009-10-29T17:43:00.004-04:00

About three weeks ago, right before going to the beach for a week on that spontaneous trip to Isle of Palm, S.C. to be with fellow unschoolers, I was quickly checking out some of my favorite blogs, seeking joy in places other than my long packing and cooking to-do list. On that day, I visited Sara, at Wandercraft, a crafty, dog-loving, great photographer in Boston. She revealed a giveaway for a small travel scrapbook that she had made. The winner would need to scrap a few pages of this book and blog about it and was given a more than generous amount of time in which to do so. Well, you know where this is going. I won! I came home from the beach to find this beautiful book and several scrapping accessories waiting for me on my table. I was so excited. I put it in my art room (a room that has seen far more food and Bananagrams than art lately) and envisioned all of the possible trips that I could scrap about. And, as recovering from the beach, new lives and early deaths took over, I conveniently blocked out the request to have a few pages scrapped for Sara's etsy store by this week. eek!

As it turns out, rediscovering this deadline last weekend was just the push my procrastinating, deadline-loving creative side needed. Despite laundry, cooking, knitting for fast growing new babies and planning and cooking for the next trip (in the mountains - leaving on Sunday), I rediscovered my art supplies and any printed out pictures I had on hand from past trips.

Here are the scanned images of the front of the book and of the first two pages (Sara created teh map cover and back and I did all the inside work - I love her sewn together book):
On the front of the book, I highlighted a few of the longer routes that we have taken (to Australia and Japan) on the beautiful map-cardstock cover that Sara had created.

The book will be a collection of moments from various trips over the years. It will live on our coffee table as a place to go to remember, and to find inspiration for the next journey.

Thank you Sara for these precious moments back in the art room. I never would have gone there without you.

Fall

2009-10-25T08:43:00.016-04:00

The falling leaves, and many human reminders of seasons coming to an end, have me craving quiet and stillness. As much as I may want to just hole up under blankets on my couch, watching last year's "House" episodes on DVDs all day while I knit baby clothes, unschooling won't allow it - at least not exclusively. This is a good thing. My kids and their friends have films to make and places to go and ideas to help implement. There is no time to withdraw, at least not for too long a stretch of time.

The first several Bionicle based movies were filmed in my bedroom. Here is Jesse's favorite. My bed is now on You Tube. Luckily, I'd made it that day. ; ) The most recent one has been started at the farm, with yet more actors and directors:
Reviewing their work on Eli's Flip camera:In addition, there has been polimer clay to sculpt (This is our newly-unschooling friend Jack):
and Bananagrams games to play with me. Jesse did this one solo:I noticed one word that was missing a few letters and he rearranged whole words and fixed it in seconds. Jesse's Bananagrams ability is something to behold, or to run from , depending on your self-esteem that moment.
Another highlight of the week was going to a fund raiser in a nearby small town. Social Circle resident, Robbie Baldoni, was a passionate skate boarder who had just begun his own well-organized plan to create a local free skate park, when he suddenly died, at twelve, from a brain aneurism. His family has been continuing the work to make his skate park dream come true. Yesterday, a ramp company from Missouri donated ramps for a fund raiser (drove them here for free!) and we all bought Robbie shirts, Robbie hats and lots of food, to help create the dream park. Their story is here. They are home schoolers as well.

At the fund raiser:

Jesse, wearing a hat like the one Robbie always wore when he was on his board:

Oh Baby!

2009-10-19T09:35:00.006-04:00

My brother Kenneth and his wife Naomi just announced the arrival of their second daughter! It took her many hours to get here. Her mom was heroic. We are so very happy for them.

My friend Persephone had her baby boy a few weeks ago.

Now, time to get knitting!

Nothing but sad

2009-10-18T20:07:00.008-04:00

It is Hilda and Andy Byrd's twenty-third wedding anniversary today. Andy shared this information with Nicolas and I, tears running down his face as he looked up at us with his beautiful clear blue eyes from his always-present wheelchair. He told us lots of things about Hilda, the love of his life. He told us that she had not wanted to be put on ventilators, if it should come to that, but that yesterday, after a surgical procedure to remove brain tumors had failed, she had whispered to him, "Let them put me on the ventilator. I want one more chance, Andy." The ventilator wasn't the last chance she had hoped it would be. Her body gave up the fight, despite her spirit's strength. Andy held her hand and she was able to squeeze his in response, when he told her that she could let go, could leave him. Moments later, she was gone.

He told Nicolas and I all of this when we reached him at the funeral home, taking our turn in the long line of people who were there to give their respects. Hilda was so loved. She was a foster mother, an organic farmer, long-time wife and caretaker of Andy. She had ten siblings. Her strength was palpable. It seems impossible that strength such as she had could ever have been diminished.

I have another forty-something year old friend who is in her final fight with cancer. I have to believe that she will kick its butt. But if Hilda could not, I wonder.

"Tell each other every day that you love one another" Andy said to Nicolas and I.

Every day.

Not just my husband, but also my children, other family and friends. Oh, my friends. Just in case you didn't know, I love you.

Endless summer

2009-10-10T11:14:00.003-04:00

My watermelon blog banner is in honor of how long we get to grow "summer" fruits and vegetables down south. I went up north again last week and I need to keep reminding myself of all of the perks of living down here, of which there really are many. I like being warm in September and October, while eating tomatoes and watching the guys spit watermelon seeds.

Due to some luck and spontaneity, Gillen and Jesse and I are getting to go to the beach in South Carolina with a bunch of other unschoolers this coming week. Unfortunately, Nicolas has to farm. But I think it might be nice for him to be alone for the first time in many months. We leave tomorrow. I have spent the last two days making soups and chili to freeze and take with us. I will spend my time there hanging with my boys and our friends, knitting baby things, and listening to the ocean.

We are so lucky. Even when the leaves have turned and the wood stove is lit, we will still be experiencing the freedom of an endless summer. Unschooling rules! (interesting oxymoron there)

Offline

2009-09-29T23:03:00.002-04:00

Completely. Until Monday night. I hope to find lots of juicy news (maybe even about new babies?) when I get back online.

Isn't it hard to believe that we used to go miles (well, in the city, it was long blocks) before finding a phone booth and then be at the mercy of whether or not it was free and whether we had a quarter in our pocket? It was strange, a few weeks ago, not seeing many phone booths anymore in NYC.

I am so grateful, especially at this moment, for the connections and possibilities to be found in this otherworldly cyber space. But it's interesting having to let go of it once in a while. Like a step back in time.

Have a great week! Here, it is finally starting to look and feel like fall.

Out of Control

2009-09-24T16:10:00.001-04:00

This week, there were the floods in Georgia (the farmer in this NY Times article is a friend and has more damage than he even realized in the interview) and the orange dust storms in Sydney, and probably some other unusual weather elsewhere on the globe that I don't know about, all of which could make a human being feel kind of out of control and vulnerable. It could provoke a need to take control in other ways.

I was thinking about this last night at Gillen's baseball game. As usual at these games (and at our local wally world - at least when I used to go there) there were several parents seriously wielding control over their kids. It sounded like this - "What are you doing out there! Wake up."; "Ah, you're not sick, drink some water."; "Hope you have a good game 'cause this is going to be the last one you get to play!" This is all said with patronizing, screechy voices.

There are other, loving, trusting parents in the stands. And there is the joy and thrill on my kids' faces when they make the hit or cheer on their team mates. I try to focus on that and keep my glaring down to a minimum.

Wouldn't it be cool if these frustrated parents were given control over the refreshment stand at the first sign of needing to control their kids? The more artistic ones could paint murals about global warming or kids rights in the parking lot. Or, there is always toilet patrol.

I have to write about this here so that I won't lose control myself when witnessing this the next game.

The sunny side

2009-09-22T14:02:00.000-04:00

Despite another huge storm yesterday, in which Tuki went to even greater lengths to feel safe:I have to say, it hasn't exactly been torturous in here. I think I whinged too much in my last post. There has been loads of game playing:A world was completed:And we had mammoth appreciation this morning for the clear skies.

Gillen decided to make a huge menu with lots of choices, from which he fed us breakfast and lunch today(and insisted on helping to clean up). Here Jesse is enjoying his breakfast from "In the Garden" cafe. Lunch was served on the side porch. Jesse and I give it five stars.After breakfast, struck by the magic of sun rays coming through our sky light, we ran outside with dog and bikes:and I smelled that good camp-memory inducing green mildewy smell - a smell so different from the mildewy smell (slowly dissipating, or we are just getting too used to it) inside.

Huge puddles provided the moistness our new reptilian bodies now crave:
As did a skinny dip in the pool!

Rainy cabin-fevered rambling

2009-09-21T16:18:00.006-04:00

I am so grateful right now that Gillen is eagerly being Jesse's audience in this, the sixtieth showing of Jesse's new magic trick. The worse the trick goes, the more Gillen laughs and falls down in joy, and then they both end up hysterical, and then it starts all over, again. Gillen has given himself the hick-ups from so much laughing. I have been part of the weather-induced goofiness all day. At the end of last week (and at that point the dark clouds had only been around for a few days) I found myself alone in my car singing Carly Simon's "Coming Around Again" at the top of my lungs, my tears mirroring the lines of rain on the window. Sometimes a big storm is a great excuse for a melt-down.

We are very lucky. Even after a week of mostly on (sometimes off) rain, there has been no big damage at the farm. A slight layer of mildew has started forming over some of our furniture, and over certain badly-situated books (the air conditioner is out - hopefully the rain's attempt to turn everything a whiter shade of pale will be killed with a working air conditioner).

Last Wednesday, Nicolas and I spent our first date-night in months emptying the basement of water. But, again, I do feel grateful that we were only at it for an hour or so. After only fifteen minutes, I imagined that we were Mel Gibson and Sissy Spacek in "The River". Unlike them, we had several breaks to go inside where we drank wine and watched "Mad Men" to give us sustenance for the next round of hard bucket lifting.

I feel a bit like this much drenched rose.Cleansed, rusty and ready for some drying out.

Anticipation of...

2009-09-15T16:13:00.006-04:00

:peeling this primeval celery root :eating the soup (the smell was fiercely good):touching the smooth tiles :losing to Gillen; losing my inner idea of what I look like when tired. : < 0

Brand new

2009-09-15T11:00:00.004-04:00

- Baby! Benjamin Gabriel Donck, born yesterday. He came easily into the world and was welcomed by Damien (Nicolas' brother) and Stacy Donck. We are so happy for them.

- GT's Turkeys, Gillen's new blog.

Life and death

2009-09-13T12:12:00.012-04:00

Last Sunday, the last day of our vacation, we spent half the day at the beach in Virginia. A few hours after getting there, the guys all still in the water, I lay on a towel in the sand reading The Unknown She, an inspiring book by my talented elementary school friend, Hilary Hart. I read these words, by Jackie Crovetto, a woman that Hilary interviewed in the book -

"Look," she says emphatically, "if I were told I had three months to live I would spend all that time with the ones I love. So why shouldn't I live that way right now? If you really bring in the reality of death, would you treat other people and yourself the same way you do now? Would you have made the same choices and decisions that you made today or that you are planning for tomorrow? When I listen to the news and hear about the rise of some dictator or the power struggles and atrocities we all at some time get embroiled in, I always seem to be left with the one thought - Why have we forgotten that we are mortal? Why have we forgotten that on the day we die all that we have grasped after, all that we have sought to control and have power over will be as sand flowing through our fingers? Many cultures have understood that one has to face death, know death and include death...As a society we are failing to provide for this primal need of our young men...[Women] have a deep instinctual understanding of death and how life and death exist in the same moment. We experience it in how we give birth, which is to stand on the very threshold where we cross into life and death, and through the cycles of our bodies, and the cycles within our daily lives. We know that life includes death, and we can live from this place of oneness! In tribal cultures people used to be so aware of death that they knew when their life was drawing to an end."

While reading this, I thought of another inspiring book about living fully - Patti Digh's book, Life is a Verb - essays provoked by having lived with her stepfather during his last 37 days of life. I put down Hilary's book and closed my eyes, burrowing my body into my few feet of Virginia Beach sand. The sun seemed to dance with the breeze against my skin. I was lulled by the sound of the waves and the families around me. I felt as if I floated above my body and pulled back into space, leaving my tiny frame back on the spot of beach where it lived for that moment. But then, in the next moment, I felt the deepness of earth's thick layers below me.

A few voices from behind me rose above the regular rhythm of the other beach sounds. They sounded panicked. I opened my eyes and turned towards them. There was something happening on the boardwalk next to the beach. I saw an upturned bike and a few people gathered round it. I imagined that someone had been hit by a bike while crossing the bike path. How awful. A few more people approached the scene. A girl who had gone there earlier to rinse off at the outdoor shower came running back to her mother next to me saying, "he is really hurt mom, come quickly." I resisted the urge to join those adding to the confusion around the accident and waited for Nicolas and the boys.

Twenty minutes later, the boys out of the water and ready to get in the car for our long trip to GA, the boardwalk crowd was even bigger. We rinsed off in the outdoor shower that was a few feet from the scene and looked over. There on the cement was a man surrounded by three EMTs, all working together to bring him back to life. His skin was chalk white. A guy standing near him turned back to someone he knew in the crowd. He held up three fingers on one hand and then held up six right after. This man had only inhabited this body for thirty six years. He wasn't especially big. He had been riding a bike. I suppose he may have had a heart attack. We quickly left the scene. We could still see that the ambulance hadn't moved once we had walked to our car, a few block away. At that point they had been doing cpr for over half an hour. I fear he never came back to life.

The kids were not disturbed by this scene, which surprised me. Gillen pointed out that he had seen a kind of grin on the man's face. Maybe they don't live in fear of death, as I did around their age. A few days earlier, while watching Billy Elliot on Broadway, Gillen had cried into my shoulder during a scene when Billy talks to his dead mother. Their awareness of death is less about fear than about grief. For now. I feel glad about that.

In about a week, my mother will have been dead for twenty years. She was 46. I do think she knew that she was going to die. I wonder if she felt like she had lived fully. She was such a vital woman, we all felt more passionate about life when we were with her. But there must have been much more choreography that she needed to give and she had only just begun sharing moments with Wilson, the love of her life.

I hope the 36 year old man on a bicycle had more moments of peace and joy than not. I hope he'd expressed much of what he most deeply needed to say.

Having a few reminders lately, again, of our common fate, has made being alive with those I love around me that much more vibrant, and sweet. Life is indeed about living.

10 Confessions

2009-09-11T14:09:00.010-04:00

I am reading a book called The Encyclopedia of Ordinary Life, a unique memoir by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. As one of her "B" entries she writes her thoughts on "Busy". She points out that when we are asked what we are doing as a child we always say "nothing" and then (I would say when we discover the false emotion of guilt) when asked, we suddenly switch to saying how busy we are. We are all so busy. yep. we truly are. But always? So. And why is it not ok to say that we are not?

It made me realize that I had done that here, on my blog, where I am usually so transparent. I implied in my last post that I was so busy that I didn't have the time to write in depth about all that happened on our two week road trip. Not so true. I was busy getting over a sore throat. I did a bunch of laundry (not exactly time-consuming now that we have machines). I was busy watching a movie, a really sad one - Incendiary- in the middle of the day, by myself (not something I ever do) one day this week when I was feeling blue.

I have also been busy making lists of things I want to be busy doing - buying a canner and canning, freezing, painting more walls, building a studio in our back yard and then dancing in it, adding more light to my kitchen, revisiting the book I wrote. I will do all of these things(probably not the studio). But not right now.

I am doing those things that are asked and needed of me by my children - taking them to baseball games and practice, playing all kinds of games with them, researching the Geo-Bee and Hindi (Jesse's newest interests). But, really, I'm not so busy.

SO, when I read about this confessional tag on Julie's blog - I was primed for it.

I am afraid that those long paragraphs you just read were not my ten confessions, just the intro. I haven't blogged in a while and am not feeling brief.

1. I think my children hung the moon and stars. This doesn't mean I don't think yours did too.
2. I bought myself a very cool shirt in NY, silky and off the shoulders and with skulls on it. A few days later, I left it in the hotel room in Virginia Beach. My confession is that I have rationalized this bozo move on my part by imagining that the cleaning lady who found my perfect shirt will wear it to a party and, because of its allure, will then meet the man of her dreams - a good man. That's the only way I can live with having done this. sigh.
3. When the hair dresser asked the kids yesterday if they may want short hair, I wished upon all that is holy to me that they would say yes. (They did. They love it.)
4. In my mind's eye, when I dance in my kitchen (or bathroom or hallway) I still have it. I have the legs and brilliance of Natalia Makarova (my favorite Russian dancer back in the day).
5. Some days, I ache that I can't find the perfect words to express a feeling. Other days, I'm happy if I can remember the name of everyone and everything I see.
6. I am not a great home maker. I cook. I clean. But I am not overly impressive in these areas. I admire those that are.
7. There is a certain mildewy smell that makes me happy. It brings me back to Camp Merrie-Wood overnight camp. I smelled it last night while leaning against a fence and I look forward to being there again.
8. I have a mail thing. I buy the gift and wrap the gift and make the card (and sometimes even make the gift) but I have a block about getting it into a mailer or box and then a bigger block about getting it the post office. It's ridiculous. I'm giving this up, right now! My niece Zoe turn two today and her gift is sitting on my dining room table. She lives in Australia. She'll be 2 1/2 by the time it gets there.
9. I have a phone thing. I won't pick up the phone to call you unless your house is burning down and I know that no one else sees this. But that won't be you as those neighbors whom I can see would not be reading my blog. They may be sitting on their porches staring our way (shudder) but not reading here - I hope. I do love talking to you when you call me. But I am better with e-mail.
10. I hate when I am long-winded. If you choose to do this tag, and I hope you do and tell me so, I hope that you are long-winded as well.

Road trip north

2009-09-10T09:50:00.004-04:00

Here is a slideshow of a few snapshots from our two week trip. They are from the Northeast Unschooling Conference, from our visit to Danielle and her family in Maryland, our visit to Hadley, Mass. to see Wilson and Anita, and our visits to NY and NJ. I didn't take any pictures of our time in Virginia Beach, nor many of the rest. I was too busy reconnecting with so many wonderful northern friends and family to take my camera out enough. There is too much to say and many too many things to do now that we are home. Mostly, there is baseball. Lots of baseball practice and games. I'll be reliving moments from this trip for a long time. I'll definitely share some here.

Because of these guys:

2009-08-22T19:38:00.006-04:00

- I didn't have to make dinner last night. Gillen decided to make us omelettes, to order. Because of the kind of guy he is, he added a centerpiece of strawberries and grapes and the really good glasses. - I didn't have to wash the car before our trip tomorrow. They decided to do it, after playing baseball all day. - and how cool they are, I am getting to speak at a conference in Mass. next week.

- I have redefined peace.

The big picture

2009-08-19T11:50:00.009-04:00

In this picture, from last night's dinner, I see Gillen and Jesse, really hungry, diving in to the pistachio parsley alfredo pasta and fried green tomatoes. I feel glad that they liked the new kind of pesto. I am aware that many people would see Jesse eating the fried tomato with his hands and see Gillen shoveling the pasta into his mouth. Nicolas has been known to be (a gentle version) of one of those people, especially when we are about to be with his family on vacation. We talk to the kids about others' expectations around table manners and about how they could be judged based on their table manners. Having been drilled unmercifully about table manners when I was young, I don't give a whole lot of feedback in this area. I'd rather talk about most anything else. But Nicolas is able to work it in once in a while and still preserve the peaceful meal.
In this picture, from an hour ago, I see a boy so excited to have his ATV working again. But most of my attention is on the frightening fact that there is no helmet. Nicolas sees a careful boy who knows not to go too fast with out a helmet. True. But my mother in law and I see the unexpected weeds and the glint in Gillen's eyes when he feels the motor revving up. Until we get the bigger helmet, later today, Gillen finally chose (it was that or not ride) to squeeze his valuable head into the small one. It is good that Nicolas and I see different bigger pictures and can help one another to look through each other's lens. It is especially good that we have gotten to a place where we can (usually) voice our fears and our perspective in a way that can be truly heard.
Later:
It is hot today. The red squished face in that helmet is also looking mad due to heat. He has decided that he is not so squished after all. He doesn't want to get the new helmet until we get back from our trip. We went out for ice cream after his guitar lesson (much closer) instead.

New room and plans

2009-08-16T11:38:00.005-04:00

We have new lighter colors in our living room. The once dark ceiling is now white, surrounded by new white molding, with rope light behind it. The once dark grey walls are now light greenish-grey. It is truly a new room!

This one change in our home inspired all kinds of ideas this morning. We moved every single painting and print in every room to new spots. We folded up the curtains and put them away until winter. And we made plans. My plan is to sell our heavy, wooden furniture in the living room and to buy lighter pieces at flea markets and yard sales. Nicolas' plans are much more exciting. He wants to create a Slow Food Event next year that involves Gillen's heritage turkeys and that raises money for Slow Food, or for a food bank or some other organization. It would involve a turkey cook-off with some of the best chefs in Atlanta. In the meantime, we just need to have some kind of fall or winter party, with our friends and turkeys, and surrounded by our new walls.

Loads of visiting, and a birthday.

2009-08-12T11:10:00.001-04:00

We got to see lots of people this past week. It was a wonderful way to celebrate not going back to school, and Gillen's 12th birthday.

Here are just a few snapshots from the past week. Unfortunately, I didn't take any good pictures of the Traaseths' or Stonebrakers' visits. I'll have to remember them in my mind.

Kimba, from the Atlanta unschooling contingent, at the not-back-to-school party on Monday. We went to the state park out here, Hard Labor Creek, and had the lake and beach pretty much to ourselves! It was so good to see Kimba, Beth, Missy, April and their kids again.

This woman cracks me up.
Here is Kimba with Claudia. It's really nice to have this beach only twenty minutes away.
Below is Max, with Sophie and Gillen. Suddenly, they are all so tall and mature. Another birthday - Katie's. Eating a delicious dinner with Mindy and her kids, their first night here. It was all from the farm, including Gillen's duck.
Sophie, wearing the beautiful apron that Mindy made for me, cooking the duck.
Small firecrackers from Gillen's birthday eve, which we celebrated with the Haworths:I'm glad that we've been busy. It's kept me from thinking too much about the fact that Gillen is twelve. Man. These years went too fast. I feel so lucky to be his mom.

Right now

2009-08-08T21:25:00.004-04:00

But for the summer buzz of crickets outdoors and the sound of Tuki's sighs at my feet, it is quiet. Nicolas took Gillen and Jesse to the horse auction down the street (with a detour to the farm to clip the wings of young turkeys; they were flying over the fence and into the green houses).

We had Kelli and her family here for the last two days. SO nice to be with them. They were our second family from Gainesville this week. Wendy and Shelby visited for dinner on Wed.

Before we can get too lonely, Mindy and her family will be here tomorrow night and the next day. They're going with us to an unschooling not-back-to-school party at a local state park lake and beach.

But for now, in this vast, still moment, it is just me, Tuki at my feet, Fracas in the art room and the baby Carolina Wren in the bike helmet, right on the other side of this window.

This silence makes all of the laughing, screaming, jumping, debating and dancing that is our normal life that much better.

Gillen's ten seconds of fame

2009-08-06T19:00:00.004-04:00

An article about Gillen and his heritage breed turkeys came out in the Morgan county paper this week. The writing and the pictures are wonderful. This little weekly county paper was voted best weekly in Georgia. I see why.

Gillen is so excited. So is his mama.

Weekend by the Suwannee River

2009-08-04T10:05:00.007-04:00

What a wonderful weekend. There was a half-day spent floating down a river, loads of game-playing, and some of our favorite unschoolers. So much fun.

Jumping off of a giant rope swing into the Suwannee River:We shared a cabin with the Haworths which made for lots of good food (these were Ella's rice crispie treats):and much humor (how many European unschooling dads does it take to blow up an air mattress?)Jesse loved playing so many games. Here, he was playing his game, Creative Titles, with the older unschoolers. He was really excited to have stayed awake longer than his brother and his younger friends.
We stopped by Barnes and Nobles on the way home and bought yet more games. We've been loving playing games and watching movies for the past few days. I'll have to post a list of our favorites soon.

The Great "Raid Expansion" (where the whittling led)

2009-07-28T18:18:00.011-04:00

So there they were, on the back steps with their sticks and their whittling knives, in boyish whittling communion. That's where I left them, to whittling peace. I asked about the specifics of the game ideas later.

"I'm going to open a weapons shop," said Gillen.

"I'll make more quests for the weekly raiding with the Wilson brothers," thought Jesse. All raids need good weapons (used on trees and crash test hay dummies, by the way, not on each other).

The great raid expansion game was born. The next day, when the Wilson brothers came to the farm, there would be new quests and new weapons for them to buy, with money created by Gillen and Jesse.
Gillen made "AC"s and "Q"s (the money). Jesse made "honor marks" which would lead them to strategically placed clues around the farm. They both made "open" and "closed" signs for the tables where they would display their wares.
Gillen made several weapons.This morning, they rushed to the farm to set up the clues, and their tables, before the Wilsons' arrival. Gillen was pulled away to have lots of pictures taken, by Angelina, for an article about he and his turkeys:Jesse munched on the whites of Bok Choi (handing me the greens) and read his book, his honor marks hidden under sticks and rocks, where they waited for the Wilson boys to get there.

And then, they came!
They loved the quests. After completing each one they came back and used their "AC"s and "Q"s to buy more, and to buy a weapon:Apparently, this expansion of the raiding game is going to continue every week, as long as the quest ideas and armour/weapon improvements keep coming (as well as the raiding customers, of course).

Whittling Brothers

2009-07-27T22:04:00.006-04:00

What a good day. It was one of those meandering, never know where they're going to end up unschooling days that I felt privileged to witness, handing them food, drink and other supplies when asked, but mostly trying to stay out of their way. Maybe I'll get to adding in more details tomorrow. If not, this was a favorite bit - the two of them whittling together on the back deck, plotting a new game (which they then perfected for hours).

Fun with maps

2009-07-26T21:17:00.008-04:00

I ordered a United States highway map last week. Its arrival on our table has prompted all kinds of realizations. The first was that I finally need reading glasses. Well, at least for this map. (I kind of like them. They make me feel wise.) It's been fun figuring out different possible routes for our trip to the northeast next month. Then there is the fantasizing about a future road trip to Montana; and the planning for next week's much anticipated short trip to hang out with unschooling friends at a state park, down south!

In addition, this map (as well as the road atlas and state maps that started to accumulate on the table) caused Jesse to pull out his old puzzle map. Tonight, after dinner, he asked us to hold this map and play a game of capital guessing with us. Turns out he's been looking at this map a lot lately. He knew most of them! Nicolas, hoping to do better in his world capital knowledge, then brought the world map off the wall. (I too have been humbled by this nine year old. Yesterday he beat me in Bananagrams.)The whole world in his hands:In awe of his Papa. : )

Cowboy

2009-07-24T20:52:00.007-04:00

He's kicking off his (once mine) boots after many hours of roping up vegetables. He rode home with his head hanging out of the window. He saw Food, Inc. with us the other night and now he wants a cow (always wanted one, to go with a horse, but now has some good justification). He can't wait to hunt us down some good venison. It's good that we named him Gillen T. He turned out to be such a cowboy.

Discovered this weekend

2009-07-19T19:27:00.003-04:00

- A box of letters, written to my mother in the sixties and seventies, by different suitors, and friends. What an amazing woman she was. But, I knew that.

- That Jesse has given up the final bit of interest he had in dinosaurs. Obsessed at four, he could speak about his passion like a genuine paleontologist (albeit with a few missing "r" sounds. ; ) He is finished with this one. But for a few favorite dinosaurs, we are packing them all up, along with the dinosaur books, into a basket. It will find it's way to some freshly-passionate dinosaur person at the unschooling conference in August.

- A cool number problem. Try this. Think of a number between 1 and 9. Now triple it. Add six to that number. Triple it again. Reduce this number to one digit by adding together the two digits of your number. Your number is nine, right?

- That I remember every lyric in "Fiddler on the Roof" even though I hadn't seen it for twenty or more years. It was one of my first records.

- That the kids liking this musical has totally justified my having bought the tickets to "Billy Elliot" when we are in NY in Sept. Don't you think?

- A need to write poetry to the tomato.

- That I no longer have my list of links to your blogs! My reader is gone. So leave a comment, if you would - so that I can rediscover your blog feed. Or, I could discover it for the first time. Thanks.

Family photo, at Duck's Cosmic Kitchen

2009-07-17T21:46:00.012-04:00

I think this may be the first family one in a year. Gillen looks like he's been drinking our beer but he was actually way energized by the sweet tea.

The lovely locavore Virginia Dupree offered to take it last night. We were at one of the dinners that she puts together with the Decatur restaurant, Duck's Cosmic Kitchen, to highlight eating locally.

Three years ago, Virginia was eating lunch at Duck's and reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal Vegetable Miracle. She remembers what she was eating and that it was local. Between the delicious meal and the writing, she was inspired to take action. She put out an email to some friends asking if they would like to eat a meal with only locally produced ingredients at a local restaurant. That was on a Friday. By Monday, the word had spread and she had enthusiastic commitments from sixty people.

Now, there is usually a long waiting list for each dinner. She always includes a local farmer or other locavore, to eat with the gang and then talk about the specifics of eating local. The next dinner is hosting a local canner.

Nicolas and his mother went once before. Last night, Gillen was invited to join him in order to talk about his heritage breed turkeys. Jesse and I decided to join them. It was so nice - Tomato Pie, locally produced steak, Vidalia onion rings, blueberry sorbet served with orange and red watermelon. And Gillen was quite a wonderful speaker. Here, he is being transformed by his love of the desert:If you live in Atlanta or Decatur, Duck's Cosmic Kitchen (usually only open for lunch) is very special.

Proud

2009-07-15T17:12:00.011-04:00

Gillen and his hunter safety certificate.He has been waiting for years to be old enough to take this safety training. Without the training, Nicolas and I hadn't felt comfortable with him owning or shooting a gun (he does have a B-B gun). I still can't say I feel comfortable.

But I do feel impressed. He studied for six hours yesterday and did the best of anyone in the test this morning. He couldn't wait to laminate the card and put it in his wallet.

We are eating a lot less meat lately. But we sure did love last night's rubbed and grilled pork chops, bought from our friends with the happy hogs at Riverview Farms. Maybe one day I'll only eat the meat that comes from Gillen's hunts. Hopefully that won't be too much. I imagine(well, hope) that most of his bullets will go towards shooting skeet. Though he now loves to give me a litany of reasons that hunting is essential for the environment and even for some of the hunted species.

I'm just focusing on his pride.

The Farming Gene

2009-07-13T22:32:00.011-04:00

These are the hands of a farmer, who creates life by skillfully playing in the soil. You can't see all of his callouses and scars here, but I know them well. I like hands, especially these. Here is a boy in a moment of regret.This son of a farmer had agreed that he did indeed want to work at the farm for a bit yesterday. But then there was this moment of remorse. Jesse has many other passions, beside farming, that make any farming genes less apparent for now.

He does, however, have great staying power. He could have left with me to pick up Gillen. But he decided to stick it out. When I came back, he had seeded six trays of lettuce and was hitching a ride on the tractor to move out the spent tomato plants - not a fun job. Look at his face! At the farm! Not playing a game or running on a field. Joyfully farming. (Also look at our cheerleader worker John, but don't let him distract you from Jesse's new face. Cheerleaders will do that - distract you from the main event.)Then there is Gillen, who inspired this post. He is a farmer. For him, it runs deep. Yesterday, he had gotten up before 7am (after a late night in Atlanta with us) to go to his archery/hunter safety camp. When I picked him up mid-day, he was tired. We got to the farm and he saw that Camp Kingfisher was there (they bring campers to the farm once a month). He leaped out of the car and ran to the field where they were working and stayed there for hours, way after the campers had left.

I understand liking the dirt and nature, and appreciating the abundance of good food, but not the having to farm. I don't have the farmer gene (just a willingness to serve the farmers and to wash their jeans).

This is a bunch of campers looking the way I would have looked if you had told me "for nature camp today, we are going to drive for an hour to a farm and get to do some hard work!"
But every once in a while, despite the heat and the bugs and other realities of outdoor summer work, a camper finds that they have farmer tendency or even farmer genes. It's usually the girls.

I'm so grateful for the farmer genes that inspire this back breaking, vital work. So, we learned recently, is Jesse. We saw a commercial for a devise that allows you to grow tomatoes by hanging them upside down. It's called the topsy turvy. The commercial stressed how much work the farmer has to do and asked why you would want to break your back doing this when you can just let the topsy turvy work for you?

Then a topsy turvy showed up at the farm. It hadn't been working for someone, so Nicolas agreed to try using it in a hoop house. Jesse saw it and started crying. He hates the topsy turvy people, whom he feels don't rightfully appreciate farmers. Maybe, too, he realized he didn't completely like the back breaking work himself. It was powerful to see him so passionately defending the farmer.

The antique effect

2009-07-13T14:40:00.009-04:00

Inspired by the new-to-me yard sale treasures that I found at my friend Elizabeth's home, I "antiqued" these photos, in iphoto. Right after bringing them home, I spent an hour or so de-cluttering corners, a table top and a window sill, in order to better display each piece. I was seeing my home with new eyes.

Gillen found this book. It was written at the turn of the century, just a few years before the building of our house. It's been fun to read the recipes, that call for low or high heat (all done over a fire) and imagine the people who lived here cooking this way. The best part is the large amount of information about etiquette . Gillen and I read about how one was to behave as a guest in a farmer's home, what to expect and not expect from the servants, why a bathing room is a necessary room, not just a luxury, especially for tired farmers.
Below is Elizabeth's grandmother's suitcase. It is very heavy (porters were everywhere back then, apparently), lined with linen, and covered with stickers showing her destinations. It has three wooden hangers from which I'm going to hang art supplies in the art room. When I propped up this suitcase in there as well, Nicolas tried to remind me that the art room is a sun room, for eating as well as art. So, it may move to some other corner, but it will be on display.
This coffee jar now holds our beans and the sweet green pitcher holds the hot coffee until it has cooled enough to be poured into glass.
The new kitchen windowsill:
Cookbooks will now lie open for me on what was intended to hold the family bible. This will inspire me to try new recipes.
Though, in the light of day (rather than under the antique effect) it is made apparent how little room I now have to cook. I did declutter another area as well so that I can temporarily move my large cookbook pulpit, if necessary.

We also got a bureau (for $25 and a watermelon), some duck decoys (for Gillen), and more. Thank you Elizabeth and family.

Drummer Boy

2009-07-12T10:01:00.008-04:00

Friday night, Gillen's percussion day camp had their concert on the square in Rutledge. It is amazing what Eva and her talented professional musician friend accomplished in a week. We are so lucky to have Eva nearby. She is also my zumba teacher. I have taught at a few theater camps and I no longer have what it takes to do it right. She could write the book.

What a cool camp. The kids got to pick between four countries - Brazil, India, Cuba, Spain, and the continent of Africa. Each group learned their country's specific rhythm, on gourd and goat skin drums that they all made for themselves the first day. They also sewed their costumes and painted the set. Gillen loved this camp.

The concert highlight:These boys represented Brazil; they also represented what music, and Eva, can do. They are brothers who live with their grandmother. They rocked! It was good to see them getting positive attention.

Gillen chose Spain because he had started a friendship with one of the other guys who chose Spain. Turns out that the Spanish rhythm is really challenging - it's a 12/13 time. The guy who taught them could not believe how well Gillen could keep the rhythm. He talked about getting Gillen a scholarship to take drumming in Atlanta. Gillen wants to stick to guitar, and to taking it locally.Gillen really liked the drumming but was much more impressed with this photographer and what she had to offer (Eva is the one directing the kids from below as only a yoga/zumba teacher could). He met the photographer one day in Rutledge's Caboose ice cream shop. Gillen commented on her worn cowboy boots and said that he had some that were even more worn. She asked how they could possibly be more worn then hers. Gillen explained that he was a turkey farmer and told her about our farm. Turns out she has been trying to relocate our contact information for years. She has been wanting to do another story on the farm. What trumped the drumming compliments, to Gillen, was that she is going to do a story about his turkeys!

Rural Georgia is meeting the kids' needs. My city prejudices are withering away, after fifteen years, in the unexpected opportunities held in our small town life.

Jesse's week in nature camp

2009-07-10T15:47:00.006-04:00

Imagine a loud scream:
To get their graduating wolf-imprinted camp certificates, the head counselor had the campers run and scream from across a field to a counselor. With the many different voices and styles of running, this was actually the highlight of my day, so far. Jesse didn't want the week to end. If only school could be as great as camp.

The shelter that Jesse and his crew made (here with his friend Sean inside):These are the same counselors that Gillen had at his overnight camp. He loves these guys. So he got in on the boom a chuck action (so not the right name, they'll have to correct me later) this morning before going to his own camp.
Head couselor - Karen, from Maine. She is awesome, and not just because she is a yankee. Gillen and I were inspired to bring her vegetables.Speaking of vegetables, I am trying hard to finally get another post up at our righteous (if neglected) farm blog. Any minute now.

The magic of a mini green ipod

2009-07-07T18:21:00.008-04:00

Last week I inherited Nicolas' mini ipod. It has changed my family's life. I can attach it to speakers in the kitchen. This means wanting to spend more time there which means more happy cooking than happened previously. Plus, the kids are getting to hear my soundtrack, as opposed to just Nicolas'. Gillen was singing along to Regina Spektor with me tonight.

And, my dog is fit! Now that I have the soundtrack of my past, present and future to inspire me, Tuki gets much longer walks. (I must remember, on future walks, not to sing out loud, even in the country and especially not Tom Waits or Dionne Warwick songs. It happened tonight. I hope that everyone was indoors)

In other music news, in the car we've been listening to the Billy Elliott soundtrack and are loving it - especially this song. We'll be in NY in Sept. for a night or two. I 'm dreaming of introducing the guys to Broadway.

As for live music in the here and now, Gillen is in a music camp this week in which he is learning percussion and making his own instrument. We'll get to see him in his camp concert on Friday night. He is tapping out Spanish rhythms on everything.

If you're willing to share, I'd love to hear your favorite song of the moment.

Born on the Fourth of July

2009-07-05T18:43:00.005-04:00

It was my father's birthday yesterday. The very cool city of Decatur honored him with a parade. Being the great leader and cat in a hat actor that he is, he ran home and got his unicycle so that he could be the master of ceremonies from en high:He and his fabulous wife Dina were great about acknowledging all of the citizens of their fair city who came out to say happy birthday:

There was an unprecedented turn-out:The grand finale was a magnificent fireworks display:
Though here, the kids are just looking up to their beloved Poppi, still riding the unicycle:Happy Birthday dad (and of course, the country).

Brothers

2009-07-02T12:21:00.005-04:00

They play hard, argue passionately and defend one another ferociously. I've learned so much watching these two interact, including what I've modeled that works, and what doesn't. And I'm learning that the wrestling matches are some kind of male bonding ritual that is really not about anger at all. Nine times out of ten, no one gets hurt and there is often an awful lot of giggling involved.

I admit, I prefer watching them bond over guitars, in the pool, playing baseball or playing World of Warcraft. I can't help it. I'm a girl. But I'm getting more male-educated and brother-enamored every day.

Honest Scrap tag

2009-06-30T17:45:00.024-04:00

Sarah passed along this Honest scap award - which does appeal to my need to confess all.

I am glad to have discovered Sarah's wonderful blog.

1. I cry during many movies (comedies too), during So You Think You Can Dance and even over commercials; even those on the radio. This is only since having children and especially when there is David Grey music or some other poignant soundtrack involved. I don't cry in my real life; sometimes with joy but not often.

2. I have been known to dance to the Leona Lewis song, Bleeding Love and even, a few years ago, to Roses are Red by Aqua when the kids were playing it. Dionne Warwick/Burt Bacharach-collaboration seventies pop songs get me singing passionately. I also like Regina Spektor, the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, the Weepies, Milton Nascimento... I have versatility.

3. I have a corn-syrup issue. Not that I won't drink an occasional Coke. But I do seriously resent those who created corn-syrup. I'm not so thrilled with the Wal Mart phenomenon either.

4. I can be a bad correspondent. I am getting way better since the advent of e-mail, blogging and facebook. Luckily, I have friends and family who invite us there or themselves here, or my children and I would be lacking in social interaction. Though, Gillen and Jesse would pick up the phone and call someone. Thankfully, they don't have my phone phobia.

5. A few Wednesdays ago, in the middle of a So You Think You Can Dance episode that had a disco number, while home alone, I ran into the bathroom (the only room with a mirror bigger than a tea tray) and danced full out for about ten minutes. My hips were doing figure eights, my arms were moving as fast as limbs in a hurricane, my neck and head were snaking...I was back in NYC at studio 54. I was feeling it.

This could explain why I was so intensely exhausted for the next two days.

If only my body could have stayed young while the rest of me joyfully aged.

6. I'm terrible with a ball - any kind of sport including a ball - though I did once claim to at least be good at soccer. I'm sure I exaggerated about my soccer skills.

7. Sometimes I exaggerate.

8. I have good ideas and enthusiasm, but not much staying power. Otherwise, I'd have finished several brilliant novels and my hallway would be the perfect color orange. I have a theory that once I buy idea paint and start listing my ideas, boldly, in purple and blue and orange on my wall, more of these ideas will reach fruition. Plus, the resident guys can share their visions there as well.

I love listing things I want when the tomatoes come in (our profitable season) but then change my mind and hit the thrift stores.

8. I did just follow through on a burning six-month long desire for a Blendtec blender and am making smoothies and juices and popsicles like crazy. I am a Persephone wannabe in the kitchen.

9. I am gullible and an optimist.

10. I only change sheets every three weeks, unless there has not been enough bathing going on. The guests get our best sheets - 800 thread count, a beautiful soft green and washed in lavender water... (I exaggerated about the lavender).

I would like to pass this along to the following:

1. Mindy

2. Jesse

3. Kelli

4. Laura

5. Gail

6. Claudia (who appreciates a scrap as much as I do).

7. Frank

Visit to the Haworths

2009-06-30T17:20:00.007-04:00

We finally made it back to north GA to see Mindy and family. Rocking out to their old tape-mixes in their kitchen while they cook us up feasts and cool cocktails (mojitas and Pimms this time) is so much fun. These people can cook. Can rock out. Can laugh.I also loved watching these two European-born soccer fanatics think (for a few sweet moments) that the U.S.A. team might beat Brazil in the world final.The nerf gangstas:But the highlight was a trip to a beautiful, waterfall driven watering hole in Tennessee:Good times!

The return of old favorites

2009-06-26T10:16:00.004-04:00

Poker (Jesse, i.e. "Lord of Diamond", got some help with his poker face):
The heirloom tomatoes with basil and buffalo mozzarella:Cucumber salad, this time made by Nicolas, with arugula, feta cheese, pine nuts and parsley:It cured me of my chronic fatigue blues last night. Well, the salad and So You Think You Can Dance.

Gifts from Gillen

2009-06-25T11:55:00.003-04:00

Gillen has been working a lot this week at the farm. Every night he enters the house with a new "surprise" for me. The first day, he brought this beautiful bouquet that he'd picked for me. Then he brought tiny wild plums and blackberries, and a handful of blueberries, from the back fields. Today he plans to brave the back-field briars to pick more blackberries - enough for me to make a cobbler. Mmmm.

As evidenced below, Jesse and I have spent the heat wave in the art room. He has been making more cards for his Treno game. I have been playing with paper, pens and glue. Fracas has been happy to have the company, in what has very much become her room.

Father's Day

2009-06-21T10:34:00.003-04:00

The boys are back in town! We are so happy to have them home.

It was a good week. Jesse created a video game called "Sacred" and Gillen had a blast discovering the world of Crime Scene Investigation. I didn't rewrite a book or anything but that will come. I'm taking my time on the rewrite. I did de-clutter closets, photos and my mind!

Back to the joy of baseball in the backyard followed by pool relief.
Jesse is wearing his new baseball birthday gifts - a Blue Jays hat from Poppy and cleats from us.

This is one great papa. It will be challenging to show him just how much we love him. Gillen made him meusli this morning. They both made sweet cards. I got him some new headphones. We're going to see "Up" with him later. It's not a parade, like I'd like. But it's a start.

Retreat

2009-06-17T12:34:00.002-04:00

This week, Jesse is in a long awaited video game creating camp. Gillen is in a CSI camp. They are in Roswell at Nicolas' sister's house, swimming in a big pool every afternoon and loving their camps.

I am on retreat from my normal routine, savoring this opportunity. I've de-cluttered a closet (it took three hours), meditated every day, exercised, scrapbooked, read and written.

I'll get a date with Nicolas tonight.

Shaking up the routine makes me really happy. And, I'll be really ready for the joyful sounds of the boys to fill the house again.

Jesse is nine

2009-06-14T14:13:00.005-04:00

In honor of Jesse's birthday, a game! It is in the spirit of his game, Creative Titles, in which everyone titles a picture and a judge gets to pick their favorite title.

So, here is the picture (just stay focused on what is in the plate):At least you don't have to eat it. ;)

Believe it or not, this is probably the hundredth cake I've made in my life. My concept may have gotten away from me.

Here was Jesse, on his birthday eve, at the end of their third performance that day of "Beauty Lou and the Beast". He is dreaming of the southern food he's about to eat at The Blue Willow Inn.
After a big southern "supper", Nicolas and Helen (who have been awake at this point since 4 am for the farmer's market) are dreaming of bed.
So is Jesse:
He is having a relaxing birthday today.

flowers, birds, and the bees

2009-06-12T18:24:00.000-04:00

This morning at the farm, I got to spend some time making bouquets with the masters - Helen and Elizabeth. These red ones, in Elizabeth's hand, are called "Tassel" (maybe tassle, I'm not sure). They are my current favorite. I had to leave to pick up Gillen from his overnight camp, and then he came back with me to make a few more. He likes to work with flowers.

We missed him this week. He loved the camp. The best part? After he got all of his new friends' phone numbers and had gotten into our car, he said that he couldn't wait to hug Jesse hello. Sweet.

Back to the farm. Look at the beautiful bouquet that Helen made (many of them, in challengingly shaped ceramic bowls) for a wedding. She used the dill flowers as a base to hold up the other flowers. Genius.

Check out the garlic, when it goes to flower:Of course, a bee had to make an appearance, to remind me of what I should be doing (and have been, a bit, every day - rereading my bee book and being inspired again about bees, while counting on the rewriting inspiration to make an appearance next week). Here is the bird part of today's story:The Carolina Wrens have come back. Having found their outdoor annual nesting spot now turned into a snazzy room for the cat, they moved to our front porch and made themselves at home in a few bike helmets. So cool! We'll be able to see the babies much more easily.

Local meal, with a mime

2009-06-10T09:23:00.004-04:00

A few of Gillen's poults encouraging one another that he will be back from camp soon:
They'd be glad to know that last night's dinner was meatless. It was also all local, even the wine. My cousin Lake was here, having worked all day at the farm. He helped cook the stir-fry, with lots of summer squash and zucchini, garlic, torpedo onions, turnips and eggs, all from the farm (all but the rice and soy sauce). We also ate our first green beans of the season and had our cucumbers in a salad.

Also visiting was this sweet mime:

And his darker twin:

To Bee or Not to Bee

2009-06-09T10:36:00.000-04:00

I'm really pushing the Hamlet word play this week.

A year ago, while the boys were in day camps, I wrote the first draft of a novel. It is called The O'Riley Bees and is 50,000 words long. I mentioned here that after six months of letting it sit, I read it to the kids and they liked it. I marked this month, in my mind, as the time when I would write the second draft.

This morning would have been the beginning of that endeavor.

Last night, instead of preparing, I used many words becoming more transparent here on my blog. This morning, I took yet more pictures of flowers at the farm and visited with the many workers (Nicolas has four additional helpers today, so I can't use farming as a way to get out of this).

Procrastination may clean my house or inspire a dance (I am alone after all), or too much blogging.

I like my protagonist - fifteen year old Finn. I like the girl he falls for, Bea. The Irish ghosts are fun. It's just hard to cozy up to the bees. You know?

It's time to go clean or something. I definitely need to walk away from this blog.

Food freedom - no longer as scary

2009-06-08T21:08:00.001-04:00

(It seems to be my time for confessing/analyzing/rambling. I'll get back behind the lens soon. Go have a snack and visit a concise blogger while you can ;)

This morning, Jesse went to his first day of theater camp. He goes every year and loves it. A few hours later, I dropped Gillen off down the street at Charlie Elliott Nature Center, for five days and four nights of camp. He has been excitedly waiting for four years to be old enough to go to the overnight version of his nature camp. I'm sure he'll be fine. My only concern had been that he and Jesse would get sick before these camp weeks - they also have a week of cool day camps while staying at their aunt and uncle's home next week. This "concern" of mine brings me to a past fear it's time I confessed here - ~~the~~ my food issue; the big source of my uncalled for, soon to be dropped for real, worrying. Worrying was the step up from more active protecting. I used to spend too much energy protecting my children from what I saw as the dangers of "bad" food. I felt that bad food had contributed to my mother's death and to my having chronic fatigue and to every bad day I still had. I had learned from my mistakes and hoped I could spare them their own "mistakes". Pretty crazy. I think on some deep level I even hoped that I was protecting them from death.

Eventually, painstakingly, finally, I saw my belief system for what it was. I got real about the fact that this is their journey. Plus, they might just have inherited the better immune systems of others in their families. It sure seems that way. I had an uncle that lived for a crazy number of decades on pretty much nothing but alcohol and cigarettes. And, I started to trust that they might even find their own way to choices that were best for them. As with their educational freedom, these are their choices to make. I can only strew lots of options.

Gillen went to an overnight birthday party this past Saturday night. The hosting mother is infamous for the large stores of Little Debbies, chips, candy, soda and other packaged food she keeps on hand - mass quantities of it that she uses to show visitors her love. She is very generous with this love. For breakfast on Sunday, they had bacon, sausage, biscuits, sweet tea (my favorite), eggs and hot dogs. Gillen came home raving about the sausage, but nauseous.

That same day, Jesse and I spent the entire day at Six Flags with his friend Logan and Logan's mom as both boys' early birthday celebration. You aren't allowed to bring food or water into Six Flags so we bought the expensive food there, all day. We rode the Mind Bender, and had loads of other looping, swirling, bumping fun. Jesse announced that this was his favorite birthday celebration ever. Over the course of the day, Jesse ate a Johnny Rocket milk shake, a cheeseburger, onion rings, a coke and ice cream. Maybe it was the sheer quantity, but I believe it was more to do with the quality, that made him throw up later that night at home.

He and Gillen were both dragging yesterday, due to their exciting Saturdays. Without my bringing it up, they both requested lots of salad and vegetables. They didn't want dessert. Today, they are going to camp fully restored.

This all goes to confirm, yet again (I seem to need lots of confirmation on this topic) that it was the right choice to start letting them make their own food choices, completely, and let them learn to listen to their own bodies. Their organic farming father, their food knowledgeable mom and, of course, their nutritionist grandmother have contributed acres of unsolicited food facts to the playing field. Gillen watched King Corn with us, they've gone to organic farming conferences, to Slow Food events, and many meals have been seasoned with our feelings about industrial farming and our country's food policies.

I no longer make frightening faces when they choose food and drink that I wouldn't choose. I have also noticed that they are less drawn to the foods that we used to ban when they were little. I think they're losing their fear that it will be the last bit of blue dye or high fructose corn syrup that they'll ever see. They choose to eat so many vegetables and fruits and love all kinds of food.

I'm sure that it's not the end of the battle, this fight with my inner demons. But for now, my more trusting side seems to be taking over the helm.

TV or not TV

2009-06-05T21:13:00.006-04:00

That is so often the question.

It was my question, when my kids were younger and I'd watched a few too many "Barney" episodes. I also read a book with lots of articulate information about what TV does to our brains. But very shortly after that, due to an article by Sandra Dodd in a homeschooling magazine, I found myself researching unschooling, reading constantly on the old Unschooling Discussion email list, and I was introduced to a radically different way to view television. It was talked about as being just one more resource in the unschooled child's diverse world of resources. Parents talked about what had been sparked in their children as a result of seeing some TV show - not brain dead zombie behavior but rather a journey of connections that started with the excitement they'd felt while seeing an animal or hearing a song or experiencing humor in a new way.

I decided to trust my kids. They weren't the kids from that anti-TV book's studies who used TV after hours of schooling as a means to check out. I watched shows with them and we often talked about what we saw, whether it be commercials (some of which we loved) or kids being rude to one another.

Over the past decade, I've watched my kids be inspired by what they've seen on TV. Jesse loves to recap a show in its entirety and then give commentary about why it was great, or ridiculous.

Plus, they watch about as much TV as I did growing up. Not so much. I was allowed very limited TV, so watched as much as possible, fighting with my brother (while my mother was at work) over whether we got to watch "The Brady Bunch" or "Hogan's Heroes". Because my kids can watch when they want, they don't have a sense of scarcity about it. There are days when it isn't even turned on (until Nicolas or I turn it on at night :).

I'm writing about this because of my recent relapse into the consideration of no TV. This was provoked by being in a peaceful, always filled with good music, TV-free environment in Montana and by the violent (inner) reaction I was starting to have to the Sponge Bob theme music; my kids' primary choice for what seemed like the past six months.

I included them in the discussion of whether we should take a TV-break (or Cartoon Network break). I proposed different scenarios, most of which they were surprisingly open to trying. We were discussing the possibility of going several months without, with lots of netflix and TV from the computer as an alternative, when suddenly, almost mid-discussion, my show entered the dialogue. Jesse mentioned that while I'd been in Montana, So You Think You Can Dance had restarted.

I'd forgotten.

So You Think You Can Dance?

Hmmm.

"Well, how about we just watch one episode of it and see how important it is to us?" I asked.

I watched the shows I'd missed (we love TiVo). They watched with me. Jesse started choreographing dances again in his room. Gillen asked about my old life as a dancer. We got passionately involved with the dancers' auditions. Jesse said that he wanted to try a hip-hop class. The biggest factor - we get break-dancing-in-the-living-room and dancing-on-the-couch intense joy from watching this show!

The decision is definitely to TV. Here's to hoping that our lives continue to be full and interesting as a result of all types of input and exploration, including TV.

A day with Jesse

2009-06-03T19:09:00.008-04:00

Gillen spent the day at the farm with his friend Jack so it was just Jesse and I for the whole day. I really like the one on one time with both boys.

We read The Golden Compass. We created our own Bananagrams word game with tiles from an old scrabble set that belonged to my parents in the sixties. We are now seriously addicted to this game and can't wait to play with more people again. We made banana bread, to eat while playing Bananagrams, of course, and ate most of it. I watched Jesse practice baseball. I am so lucky to be this yellow-Croc-wearing, super talkative, baseball-loving, game-creating, tender hearted guy's mom.

Boy friendship

2009-06-02T20:24:00.008-04:00

Today, Gillen recruited his new friend David to help him shovel and spread compost.
Jesse and the Wilson brothers played lots of hide and seek, tag and their usual raiding game with swords and sticks - sorry, they call them "maces".

They do this for hours and rarely give each other a scratch. Last night, this brave six year old boy spent the night here, without his brothers. It was his first sleepover without them, ever. He really wanted it. It was challenging, in the dark, with so many new sounds and a new bed, but he went the distance.
Even with the constant physical play, the volume, the booger and butt talk, I really like hanging out with these boys.

A few Montana moments

2009-06-01T15:05:00.007-04:00

The beautiful mama, Bhu. See her daughter Isha's sweet head? Doesn't it just bring you back to the smell? That new sweet smell that stops time and brings hardened men to their knees. Ahhhh.

Another bit of Isha that really got me was this sight - Isha in the Moby carrier (wish they'd made something this cool when I had babes) with nothing but her thick socks sticking out.
I really like her mama's hot pink sweatpants. Such a comfortable yet enlivening choice for those first months after having a baby. They should pass these out to new mothers.

Below - the fire starter, the dad, and one of the funniest men alive - Matt. Here he was cooking us up some Montana Rib-Eyes that Bhu's mom Elizabeth had gotten for us.
Elizabeth was fantastic. She cooked delicious meals and froze others for later. She did laundry. She even washed windows. It was really fun to be with she and Bhu for the few days that our visits overlapped. Thirty-one years ago, I was 14 years old and Bhu was still growing in Elizabeth's belly. I stayed with Elizabeth and my father that summer and was able to bond with my new baby sister for the first six weeks of her life. It is incredible to now meet her baby. sigh. If only Montana were a bit closer.

I've fallen in love.
One more thing - I just realized that two of my favorite parts of Matt and Bhu's cozy log cabin home are in this picture - the very long legged wombat that my brother and Naomi sent to Isha from Australia is to the right, and "Ashley", the red patterned octopus that my talented sister created, is to the left.

Next time I see her, Isha will probably be dragging these two around with her while she runs around exploring her world.

A night with the Haworths

2009-05-31T11:36:00.013-04:00

Friday, I spent much of the day cooking a few of our favorite things. Here are the ingredients for Molly's aunt's lemon-dill salad dressing (with salt and pepper too); I used only a bit of that dill. I just liked having lots of the herbs I used (rosemary , sage, dill, thyme..) hanging out around me while I cooked. Here is the recipe. Please try it.

1/4 to 1/2 cup olive oil
zest and juice of one lemon
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dill
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup parmesan cheese

Mix all ingredients. For best results, make ahead of time and refrigerate for a few hours to allow flavors to meld.

I also roasted some homemade fries with Nicolas' young yukon gold and red potatoes:
The main event was one of Gillen's Bronze Turkeys.

This feast was inspired by a visit from the Haworths, who were on their way to the beach. As it was also Alex's 14th birthday, we made his favorite dessert, apple crisp with ice cream.
It was our second Thanksgiving feast, just this month. At the other end of May, on the night before I left for Boston, Nicolas' brother Damien and his family came to dinner. That turkey was good as well, but now I've really gotten this turkey preparation thing down. Damien, you'll have to come again. It's all about the overnight brine. I like Wolfgang Puck's recipe - lots of honey, maple syrup, coarse salt, cloves, ginger, herbs... We ate every bit of that bird.

There were mojitas made my Mindy with my neighbor's mint (mmm!) accompanied by lots of good talking:There was night swimming:The next morning there were Mindy's cinnamon rolls, Gillen's birthday sign and the perfect gift to Alex from his siblings - a shirt with his World of Warcraft character on it. A very good time was had by all.

Home

2009-05-28T16:35:00.014-04:00

In my opinion, there is not much that can compete with the joy of holding a six-week old baby. Isha is feminine, tiny and perfect. I washed our clothes yesterday but was careful to leave out the shirt that smells like her. It was hard to say goodbye to she and my sister.

At the same time, it was wonderful coming home to my guys, and to the newest blossoms from the farm:Today, Gillen, Jesse and I finally had a quiet day at home. I have been fully appreciating all that these eight and eleven year old boys are about. No more intoxicating essence coming from the top of their heads, but it is nice to sometimes know what they are wanting/thinking. I did not take my camera to Montana but my sister let me take a few with her's and will be sending me a CD. I'll get to wax poetic about Isha then.

Time

2009-05-19T20:06:00.015-04:00

Too often, lately, it moves lightening fast. It blurs by, just like Fracas while in pursuit of a frog; or on a low to the ground sneak inside to grab a lap:That is how quickly my boys seem to grow.At least he is still using the wrong side of Nicolas' razor, and apparently even the wrong end of his face:
At least there are still dinosaurs on the edge of the bathtub.

I love Nicolas in pajamas.

I will be gone for a time, to Montana, where my little sister lives with her husband and new baby girl, Isha. I am respectfully requesting (in my mind) that there be no growing while I am gone.

sigh.

It is way too soon to be leaving them again. Once a year makes way more sense than twice in one month.

Saturday in the country

2009-05-17T10:51:00.035-04:00

As opposed to last Saturday, when I was packing in art films, bookstores and city friends, today was all about Gillen and Jesse and their favorite things to do - which are much better done in the country.

Most Saturdays start with Gillen's archery class. He is getting really good. I admit to hoping that archery competitions, with their stuffed animals, end up enticing him more than real hunting. But then, I grew up in the city. Gillen thanks God he's a country boy.We bought books at the Scholastic book fair and then made our way to our local Rutledge May fair. There were country bands, barbecue, art booths and pony rides.

We got to visit Molly in her studio there and tell her how much we loved her newly published book, How the Caboose Came to Rutledge. She and her husband Ed owned our house before we did. Ed threw out his back while creating this house's second floor. The book is about him giving up the hammer and nails and deciding to buy a caboose. He did just this. Over ten years ago, Ed bought a sweet little red caboose and moved it to Rutledge in order to open an ice cream/ sandwich shop.

We got to see the original pages for the book framed on Molly's studio wall. Our house is in the book:
Then we went next door to The Caboose. I got homemade lemonade, Jesse had a double scoop cone and Gillen had a green and blue ice.
Next was bungie jumping.

Back home again, there was baseball (Jesse's latest self-proclaimed obsession):
My cousin Lake came to dinner.He played baseball, then football and helped Jesse for a while with the guitar.
It is now Sunday. The boys are out there gardening and I'm going to soak and then stuff our grape leaves with something good and serve them with greek salad for dinner. But we also have big sitting-on-the-couch-with-a-movie (or several) plans. I'm looking forward to that.

Boston, part two

2009-05-15T14:41:00.001-04:00

On Sunday, I met my friend Cary Godbey in Back Bay. In the seventies, she lived around the corner from me and we shared our long daily journey to Park School as well as our young latch-key-kid highs and lows. She brought me my homework for two weeks when I was out of school at thirteen with shingles. She introduced me to James Taylor and Pousett-Dart Band and Dan Fogelberg. She was cool, and full of life, and a really good friend.

Before I met Cary, I went to the front steps of my own building on Marlborough St. and then went around the corner to Exeter St., to visit my tree. When I was about seven, several kids in the neighborhood were assigned a square plot of sidewalk, its concrete covered up with soil, on which to plant a small tree. Here is my tree, about 35 years later. Sunday was a beautiful day in Boston. It was Mother's Day. We couldn't imagine that anyone would be home. But we managed to get inside both buildings and into both of our old condominiums. Cary's had the same owners that had bought her place from her mother and it had most of the same wallpapers and paint on the walls, as well as her mother's 1970's avocado-green colander and green glass jars.

We got inside of my bird-cage elevator, both crying and laughing our slow way up to my old landing. There is a sky light at the top of the elevator shaft, so as you approached my floor, the 6th, you would feel, looking up through the open elevator cage, like you were going to burst right through the glass, like Willie Wonka does with Charlie, in his chocolate factory. Several friends had shared that memory with me the night before.

We left the birdcage, climbed up some new-to-me steps in my old hallway and went through a metal door that opened onto the roof. This was where my family had gathered to listen to the Boston Pops, eat our annual lobsters and watch the fireworks being set off over the Charles River, every 4th of July. In the winter, it's one of the places where I'd built snowmen with my brother.
The trees are growing past the buildings! So cool.
Here is another view of Marlborough Street, below, but this one is through my old living room's window! Due to Cary's fiesty encouragement, I knocked, waking up a very pregnant woman and her husband. They were so nice about it and invited us in to explore.
Unlike Cary's, only its shell remained the same as 28 years ago. It has been modernized, with lots of doors added between rooms and a ceiling lowered in the living room. Everything was painted a stark white and the floors were all restored, and bare. I don't have many pictures. I missed the many avocado trees growing in big pots, the long paths of of ivy winding over the fireplaces and the colorful wallpapers.
It was fun to see the old place again. But I had no longing to be back. Without my mother, Jody, Ulle, my brother Kenneth and our German Shepard, Damien, it felt warehouse-empty. It was like seeing a loved one who has died - this body, too, was nothing but an abandoned snake's skin. The life had left the building.

A few hours later, flying home, my descending plane's video screen showed an interview with players from the Atlanta Braves. On the way to Boston, they'd shown the Red Sox. I'm not a huge baseball fan, but at the sight of the Braves, a lump formed in my throat. There is a nostalgic hold that Boston may always have on me.

This week, I was surprised by just how happy I felt to be living here, in the country. In this moment, with the boys, with a farm rooster simmering in the pot and Gillen and Jesse's garden through the window, I am so glad to be here now, and now, and now, as I was never able to be back then. Hopefully, my children are having that chance now too.

May flowers at the farm

2009-05-13T14:44:00.007-04:00

Thanks to April showers, and a lot of hard work by Helen and her team.

My Weekend in Boston

2009-05-12T22:05:00.001-04:00

Though rain had been predicted, instead it was one of those perfect, soft May weekends, with Cherry trees, tulips and every other spring-thing in bloom. I got loads of city energy from so much people-watching and from seeing the buildings of my childhood. I also managed to appreciate the subway all day Friday, and then to be off of it before there was a serious wreck on it that evening.

Boston is so pretty.I took the subway from Logan airport to Boylston Street, near where my mother's ballet school used to be, and then walked to the Public Gardens. I saw the Swan Boats, the Frog Pond and the statues that had been part of my childhood from the time I was seven.

I ate at a cafe on Newbury Street. It was one I'd been to before, but with another name (both mine and that of the cafe).

Walking to the Boston Public Library, I saw that the building where we'd performed when I was with Boston Childrens Theater had now become an H&M clothing store.

In the middle of the giant Boston Public Library is a courtyard, with tables and a fountain. It feels like an Italian Piazza, without the good coffee and loud voices. I sat here for a while.
The sun moved in and highlighted the girl to the right of the fountain, and I thought of my childhood friend Ruth, and how we had shared a love of books, of writing and of our own unique whackiness, at Park School, at the library and at (what was then) Newbury Street's Harvard Bookstore Cafe. This girl looked so much like her.
Ruth couldn't make it to the reunion.

But, it was so great to stay with my first best friend - Sally Solomon - and to see so many others.

See how giddy I am? See what the old friends are thinking? "Barbara" really needs to get out of the boondocks more often...We all immediately slipped right back in synch., connecting as easily as we had back then. They all now know about unschooling. I learned a lot too. They remember lots of fantastic stories, even ones about my childhood home and family, that I had forgotten! I'm blaming it on moving around so much and not getting back in touch sooner. Or, I just live in the moment too effectively. Yeah, that's it.

It's nice to think that these memories were stored with old friends. Maybe I'll be able to hang on to a few of them now. Periodically, I'll have to record some here.There were other highlights :

- Going alone to a Coolidge Corner art house movie theater (where the popcorn was organic and the butter was real!) to see a film, "Every Little Step" about the making of A Chorus Line (a show that my mother and I loved and trudged through the blizzard of '78 snow to see).

- Sharing a Turkish brunch and deep conversation with my stepfather.

- Browsing through a great independent bookstore for an hour and then buying a book I've been waiting to find for months, that was now available in paperback - Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri.

This next one really needs it's own post. Remember the picture (you three regular readers ;) that I posted of myself in this post? The fireplace remains the same but everything else has evolved.
To be continued.

Where the Boys Are

2009-05-11T16:55:00.007-04:00

This past weekend, visiting Boston and Brookline and my friends from thirty years ago, was magical. I loved growing up in that part of the world alongside those people. Much of my long-ago past rushed back to me through the city smells, the walking, the subway rides, the ancient bricks, the street signs and through the (previously forgotten to me) stories shared by my friends. I will post about it soon.

Today, it was all about my guys. Being away from them for a few days, especially when there is a plane involved, always makes me smotheringly appreciative of them when I return. I so love Boston. But this is where the boys are.

Nicolas hosted a big Seeds of Change event at the farm today. I blogged about it at that other blog. I love watching him talk about the farm. Even better was the moment when he pulled me into the barn, opened the cooler and... (you're having crazy thoughts now, aren't you) handed me a huge bunch of asparagus he'd put aside for me. Mmmmm...as good as my first kiss ever, with red-headed John Tayer in seventh grade.
There were thirteen new additions to the farm over the weekend. Twelve are from Gillen's heritage breed turkeys, the Bourbon Reds. One is a Standard Bronze turkey. Gillen's glad that he will have so many new heritage birds. He is feeding the poults yogurt and egg yolk (thanks to Danielle) and we hope this group will make it.
Jesse gave me a tour of the vegetables he had discovered on "that really long day" (Friday) that he spent at the farm while I was gone. Thankfully, he had a great time the rest of the weekend.

The tomatoes have outgrown him:
He led me to his favorite row - the sugar snap peas - and picked me a handful.
Despite my love of the Boston Public Library, which I did get to re-visit, there is something to be said for reading Calvin and Hobbes in the middle of an unoccupied field:It is good to be home.

Back to Back Bay

2009-05-07T21:29:00.005-04:00

I am going to Boston in the morning, without Nicolas and the kids, to see friends I haven't seen for thirty years. It's been so much fun reconnecting with them in cyberspace. I know it will be even better in real life. As a bonus, I get to see my stepfather on Sunday.

I've packed my clothes in Gillen's small red backpack and I'm bringing a purse. That's it. Tomorrow I plan to wander alone through old favorites - the Boston Public Garden, Faneuil Hall, even the Boston Public Library (a sacred second home for me as a youngun'). I want to eat in a cafe on Newbury Street and take the subway. Maybe I'll take a ride on a Swan Boat.

I was planning on making this a day alone with my camera. It's supposed to rain so I'm bringing the tiny point and shoot. I know my back will thank me at the end of all this wandering. If it really rains - who knows - maybe I'll go to Coolidge Corner, on my way to meet my friends in Brookline and watch a movie!

The rest of the weekend will be filled with reunion but tomorrow it's just me. (Because the kids are getting to see visiting family from the north here this weekend and are excited about that) I can't wait.

tagged by Mrs. Boo Radley

2009-05-02T12:43:00.010-04:00

This tag asks you to post a picture of yourself, immediately, without primping. I read the tag yesterday, groaned as I realized just how tired I looked, and took the photo immediately - I can be too much of a rule follower. I was very glad that Jesse happened to be with me. Then, I got sidetracked so couldn't post it til today.

Mrs. Boo Radley talks on her blog (amidst her inspiring pictures, poems and other things) about what she calls her "no 'poo" approach to hair. You've heard of this, right? You use vinegar or baking soda (or maybe both, read her blog) instead of shampoo and your hair needs far less washing. It truly works. I've seen it, on others.

My no 'poo hair philosophy this week was based on having straightened my hair (eight days ago now) and not wanting to go through that again, until absolutely necessary. I did wash the rest of me. No worries.

I admit that this is not the first picture that I took, nor even the second. Those seemed to take my most tired features and neonize them. It is spontaneous picture attempt number three. My hair actually looks clean!
Then we really had fun. Scary album covers:
I tag: Kelli
Mindy
Ren
and
Persephone (whose healthy food blog may be too serious for this sillyness but I'd love to see her pregnant glow. : )

What I really like, right now

2009-05-01T15:39:00.013-04:00

I started the day tired (Jesse was sick in the middle of the night) and while doing the mountain of laundry from the night, I found myself muttering about things I do not like right now - things like the man who threw a paper bag out of his truck window while slowly merging on to the highway in front of me yesterday, and the fact that Jesse is sick, and the overworked farmer's mood...

But at the same time, Frickle came out of the woods to greet Gillen, Jesse never threw up again and Gillen decided to work all day at the farm to help Nicolas. One of his employees was out.

So enough with the whingeing. (Though I do wish people wouldn't throw stuff out the windows...)

Here's more of what's good right now:

Asparagus, salads (from the farm and backyard farm) and homemade granola bars.

Facebook - my new fun time-sucker.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, about the year she lost her husband and almost lost her daughter. What a writer.

My Side of the Mountain, by Jean Craighead George. We just finished it. It's the first book in a trilogy about a boy living in the wilderness with a peregrine falcon. Gillen has decided that he too will live in the wilderness, but on a smaller scale. When he turns twelve, he wants to live in the woods at the farm for a week. I would have loved that then too.

My once-a-week zumba class. Under this Latin influence, my hips have come to life, emphatically - but painfully. Once I get in shape this time, I'd like to never take a two-year hiatus again.

Watching movies with my boys. We watched their first Shakespeare movie - As You Like It, directed by Kenneth Branagh. Shakespeare is one of those things that I really wanted them to like so didn't want to present it the wrong way or with too much scare-them-away-instantly-eagerness. They liked it! I'm holding myself back from adding too many Shakespeare movies to my netflix queue.

Helen's flowers at the farm:Spring. Here in Georgia, it will be over any minute.

The farmer just came home, back in a good mood.

The Pool Boys

2009-04-27T16:35:00.005-04:00

Gillen and Jesse spent over an hour today scrubbing the pool. All they asked of me was some help dumping the dirty water out of the buckets.
They finished up just in time for the Wilson brothers to join in on the next step.
Filling it up!

Inman Park Festival

2009-04-26T08:55:00.007-04:00

There were beautiful booths, and wonderful company (the Traaseths, the Stonebrakers and a surprise appearance by the Epsteins).
But this year, as opposed to last year, I didn't see much of the parade. Gillen and those who were brave enough to withstand the heat and massive crowds saw plenty. I watched those watching:
And then turned around (in the artist's booth I was in with Alec) and watched the sculptures, who were watching something far far away:
I walked a few feet back to our friend Terry's house, looked up and watched Jesse and Ike staying cool in a tree:
and then cooling off closer to the earth.I also snuck a peek at the wee girl behind them. I wonder if that's how big Isha will be (my sister's new babe) when I see her next month.

Now, I'm ready to watch my boys fill up the pool (their favorite part of spring).

Our family is growing

2009-04-22T10:08:00.014-04:00

Two new stray cats have been hanging out at the farm. Helen is already feeding six cats and is at her limit. I don't blame her. I offered to take the two new ones to the pound.

I looked at Gillen sitting in the propped-up pup truck the other day (turns out the clutch is out) and felt sure that that he was imagining driving.But he looked so relaxed. I walked closer and looked inside. Turned out he was bonding, with the banished male. Gillen's tenderness towards him softened my heart and those other-worldly eyes caught me off guard. Names started involuntarily running through my head.

I only took the female cat to the pound and that story ends well too - she is being rescued there today by her former owner who used to work at the farm. After hearing a description of her, Eva recognized that this calico cat must be her "Poochy".

Here was Gillen's reaction after hearing that we get to keep "Kelly" (named, for a brief time, after a Lee-jeans commercial actor from the eighties who watched me dancing one night at a party in NY and declared that I danced like Ann-Margret. sigh. The week's Kelly thoughts brought back that memory.) Quickly, that name was rejected for the name of my mother's other former cat, Fracas' black brother, who looked very much like this one. So, I'll be getting "Frickle" fixed tomorrow and we hope that Fracas will be pleased. "Frik and Frac" can keep each other company in what was supposed to be primarily the art room but has now been renamed "the cat cave".

The Kelly(ie)s/ or, true confessions of an eighth grader

2009-04-19T20:08:00.017-04:00

I have "Kelly" on the brain this week. It started with the Park School (fourth through ninth grades) reunion I'm going to in a few weeks. Several days ago I dug through an old trunk in search of two green spiral notebooks. I remembered writing in them back then, thirty to thirty five years ago. I found the green spiral notebooks, but the blue locked diary was better. It covered almost every day of 1977 and some of '78. Every entry begins with "Dear Kelly", as that was my diary's name (which is also true of all of the green notebooks and of most of the baby dolls I cherished when younger). There are even worse embarrassing revelations, like the list of my favorite songs at age 14. Don't Give Up on us Baby by David Soul led the list. And then there was the mad crush I had on Sylvester Stallone. This dark, rugged man had overcome the challenges of living in Hell's Kitchen and had gone on to write and star in "Rocky". I was in awe. I sketched a picture of the beaten-up underdog with vulnerable girlfriend Adrian in my diary. Gonna Fly Now was number two on my favorite song list.

The second Kelly of the week is a more recent friend, the unschooling Live and Learn conference creator, Kelly Lovejoy. She came last week to get tomato plants from Nicolas and in return ~~listened to me babble on~~ hung out with me until 1:30 in the morning and much of the next day. One of the highlights was watching she and Helen talk chicken. Kelly is all about their color while Helen only notices how many eggs they lay. Kelly has put my dog on a diet. Others have tried, but they weren't Kelly. The next two Kellys are from previous chapters in my life, one visiting us from Boston where she is married to my friend who helped start Barking Dog Theater and the other was a college roommate. College-rommate-Kelly visited me here in GA when I first moved here and proceeded to fall in love with and marry my ex-boyfriend (the one I'd been complaining about to her in letters for a year). These two Kellys both ended up at the same party with us this weekend and were both monopolized by me much of the day.

Did you really need to waste your time on any of this? Probably not. But what was revealed at this party, where we rehashed various shared experiences, while our poor children tried to get us to quiet down, was how very wrong I am about that long-term memory talent I have often bragged of having. Turns out it's not just my short-term memory, but even the dramatic events of my past that have been seeping out my ears to make room for the present. Periodically, I have to record things here so that I can put names with faces as it gets worse (wish I'd remembered to take pictures of the last two Kellys). And then, the Kellys fit so nicely together in a set. I just need to see this one now to complete the theme.

Thanks to all of these women, it's still one of my favorite names.

Unusual day in the life...

2009-04-14T20:30:00.004-04:00

I'm due a description of a typical day in our unschooling life. So I decided this morning that I would keep track of what we did today. It proved to be a challenging one for me to post - not the greatest example of unschooling, for any non-unschooling reader who doesn't know the bigger picture.

9 am - Both boys came out from their room. Gillen played Crusader on the computer.

After hanging out with me for a bit, cuddling and telling me about the rest of "Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest" (I fell asleep in it last night) - Jesse made himself a bowl of granola. I sat with him while he ate and I got some very vivid descriptions of all of the "undeads" in the film. It seems Jesse has become less sensitive to scary movies. He loved this one.

Gillen made himself some eggs and I ate granola. Jesse went upstairs to work on his lego creations. I asked he and Gillen if they wanted me to read to them. I sometimes read while they do legos. They said yes. I read several chapters of "My Side of the Mountain" about a boy who runs away from home and lives in the wilderness alone, training a Peregrine Falcon to hunt for him. Jesse made a lego boat with a moving wheel in the back. We talked about paddle boats and steam ships and how they work. This ship did not run on steam, I was informed, but on wind. : ) We stopped reading several times to talk about things that interested us - how the boy's traps (from the book) might be engineered, whether trapping was humane, how to raise a bird, how much Jesse's dressed lego horse looked like the Greek horses he'd been talking about with Papa yesterday.

When they'd had enough reading, I made us a snack and checked my email. Gillen sat at our second computer, next to me, and started an online chat with me. I learned how to create a face that turns from sideways to upright (it actually moves!) on gmail chat.

Jesse brought his guitar upstairs and continued working on a song he's been writing called "Eternity". Gillen (this is not typical at all) decided that he wanted to work on "math"! He often does difficult addition and even multiplication at times, in his head. He wanted to try the math he knew that people in school did. So I taught him written multiplication. We'd looked at it before but it's been awhile. It was amazing to me that he got it so easily. He wanted more! We did division, using the fractions that he'd always used in life experiences like cooking to bridge the path into the written formula.

I am hoping that we get to build something soon as a family. I think it would be fun to have a small guest/teen house in our yard. That would be one way in which I would have imagined math coming up, just as it has when they have needed it to add up totals in their head at our farmer's market. But for whatever reason, he was wanting to see what this "math" thing (as it is used by those he knows in school) is about. He's used math in games, in cooking, at the market. We just hadn't often talked about it in this scholastic way before. Because he felt ready for it and curious, it was easy. I'll have to relearn some harder stuff now, like algebra, which I think can be really fun.

Jesse must have picked up the smell of "subjects" too as he brought out the Usborne History Encyclopedia, flipping through it (backwards mostly) for an hour and reading things as they seemed interesting, sometimes reading out loud to me. He said that his favorite parts were the descriptions of the Hebrews, of the Normans and of the Mesopotamians "because I knew nothing about them before this." I couldn't help thinking about how much exploring this book would have meant to me a few years ago (I worked for Usborne four years ago just so we could have lots of their books). Today, it was just one more interesting resource in our world. This morning, he had talked about the connection between the the Flying Dutchman boat in the "Pirates" movie last night and how he'd also seen it in a "Sponge Bob" episode and he wondered where else it might be. We ended up in a round-about way talking about Vikings. History comes up all the time, without the beautiful Usborne book (though we do now like it very much).

Gillen wanted to go to the farm to watch Nicolas use the chain-saw to cut up some fallen trees. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, the sawing was over. Gillen fed his turkeys. I filmed a farm tutorial. Jesse tried a few times to make a mud ball but the mud was too wet. Gillen decided to stay at the farm and I went home with Jesse, who wanted me to help him make a lego video. We spent the rest of the afternoon making and editing this short video. At 5:30, I went to my zumba class.

It was strange to post about this day, once it had included such unusual "subject" matter. Yet another surprising day on our journey.

New 'do!

2009-04-13T18:10:00.005-04:00

The boys went to the farm to work in the rain with Nicolas so I had a few hours to do all kinds of productive or creative things, many of which I thought about doing, for a few minutes. And then, I got on the computer and went on a facebook journey, reconnecting with friends from thirty years ago. I can't believe I'm going to get to see some of these people in person so soon.

Maybe this set me up for the next spontaneous act. I called down the street to see if I could get a hair cut. On the way there I worked up the guts to get radical - six inches off and straightened (wonder how long I'll keep up the straight bit).

Easter scrapbook

2009-04-12T22:00:00.001-04:00

We had Mimine (Nicolas' mother, Helen) over for lunch. The eggs in the middle are from her chickens. She created the rich brown colored ones with onion peels. The blue ones emerged that way, from the chickens.
The first Iris fully bloomed:
My vintage thrift store apron (which for some reason I only remember to wear on Easter):Tulips in the kitchen window:An orchid in the art room:Checking out the competition's basket:
My cousin Lake and his friend came for dinner. We had herb marinated grilled local pork chops, kale salad and homemade gingerbread. The next few days will bring lots more rain, again. But today was all about the sun.

Cousin, cousine

2009-04-09T09:57:00.009-04:00

First of all, I have to announce that after a beautiful home birth yesterday, my sister and her husband welcomed their first baby into their arms. A girl! I'm ecstatic that the birth went so perfectly and that she is here. A girl!! I love my nephews too. But there have been fewer nieces in the mix. We are filled to the brim with joy and gratitude. I'll be posting more about her soon, since she is all that I can think about.

In more local news, all of the cousins from Nicolas' side (except of course baby Henry) are on spring break this week, which is really cool considering they live in two different cities. So we got to have all four here at the farm with us for the week. It's been great. The main endeavor, a group effort, has been the reconstruction of the fort that they worked on last year.

Clementine definitely shares her mother's love of and expertise in Japanese design. There are several peaceful bamboo areas in the fort. This "meditation area" (named by Clementine) is her favorite room. It could be very useful for the farmers on challenging days, or for picnics.
Later that day, I was sent for supplies. The list included food for the eating room (I made muffins), Gillen and Jesse's guitars, a sheet and clothespins for a door, and a speaker for their ipod shuffles.

We who live here are committed to preserving this fort - named "Bird Song" by Julian and "The House" by Clementine - for years to come, or at least until they return with new plans. I'd like to think that the baby cousins will one day be able to take the lead in reconstruction, that the farm and the fort will still be here when they are grown.

Amy Steinberg at the Opulent Possum

2009-04-06T14:23:00.004-04:00

This weekend, we (including Nicolas!) went to the Lovejoys' in S.C. to be with them and other unschooling friends at an Amy Steinberg house concert. It was exactly where we needed to be - find "exactly" for yourself here. If you haven't yet heard her, check her out. Her CDs are great, and live she is even better.

Cameron and Logan were the sweet opening act:
There was great chemistry and joy with these two on stage. This is at the beginning of the night, when everyone was still sitting down, loving it all in a quiet, orderly fashion:As the sun descended, seats were pushed aside and all rose in dance! Under the Amy Steinberg spell:
Doesn't Gail look like a teenager? That woman has got the moves!For awhile, these three (my guys, and Silas) became the back-up singers:
For the most part, Gillen experienced Amy Steinberg from the land of ham and Jesse was truly taken by the music into his own dancing swirl.
When Amy praised him, he left his dancing place and pulled himself right back to reality : )But he managed to get back to the dance.

There were also Bananagrams, gardening talk, Vietnamese food, swimming...it was a good weekend.

After days of rain,

2009-04-03T20:15:00.021-04:00

vines burst forth,
the guys no longer slipped while shooting hoops,
and we were rewarded with an orchestra of color.

The massive rain had caused some turmoil at the farm as it washed away precious top soil. It kept me up for several nights, comforting storm-phobic Tuki-dog. There was a leak. There was some cabin fever.

Today, there was sun. Does looking at Wysteria, Dogwoods and Azaleas feel this way every spring?

Jesse found Wind in the Willows on his bookshelf today. After a few chapters he pronounced it "too poetic for his mood right now." : ) but not before I had read this:

Spring was moving in the air above and in the earth below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lowly little house with its spirit of divine discontent and longing.

It speaks to the way my yard made me feel today - especially the Wisteria. It is once again waking me up with its reinvention of purple. I want to memorize its softness, be just as vulnerable, remember that it isn't just this vine's mere two weeks of color that is impermanent. I want to notice the purple every day in my children. I want to see the moon in the sky in the daylight (even though I can't capture it very well for you here - it is there, floating an inch above the bowing Wisteria).

"Yes"es and "No"s; more ramblin' on

2009-04-01T13:36:00.019-04:00

Several mentors/teachers in my life have paved the way for me to say "yes" more. The book Jump Into Life, by Arnaud Desjardin was a big inspiration, as was Sandra Dodd.

When Gillen started taking guitar he asked if we could eat at the expensive deli next door to his class. We agreed on this indulgence every six weeks. Today was deli day. He chose Scoops, the ice cream/candy store we hadn't tried, instead. A year ago I would have muttered something about having lunch first or dyes, so the yes would have been tainted.

This was a clear, colorful, bunny and Easter-Pez filled yes. Jesse had orange sherbet with sour dots mixed within, Gillen had strawberry ice cream with gummi bears and I had double chocolate chip. We sat at a booth and watched the rain through the window and talked about what Gillen is going to be practicing next on his guitar - "Ode to Joy" (he reads it as "Odie" to Joy. I so don't want to correct him).

The retro decorations brought back memories of bakery windows at Easter that I'd looked through as a child.

The "no" of the day concerns a cat. Our home has attracted yet another cat.

I was feeling so happy that Fracas is settling into a life without my bedroom in it - you see, here, that she still gets her own quilt covered arm chair in the closed-off art room. Tuki using her dog door was icing on the cake (pale yellow buttercream icing on easter cookies - I've got pastel sugars on the brain now). Then we heard it - a mewing from under the deck. Gillen investigated and found an unfixed male cat with no collar and a broken leg.

The "no" to keeping this cat involved discussion of what he would cost (organic food for all the animals; lots of cats at the farm already), how hard it might be for Tuki to stop chasing him up trees (which happened today, a very tall tree, despite "Cloud's" broken leg), and then there's the still-to-come Papa point of view. It was a no to more cats in our life right now but I did say yes to being responsible. We'll take it to Animal Control or the Rescue League tomorrow (so I guess the yes is still a possibility until then:)

The main objective in our life really has become yes. Even (pretty outrageous, I know) to myself! A few years ago, when my brother emailed about a ten-day job in Australia that I could do to make us lots of money, I immediately said yes. Last weekend, when a long-ago best friend Sally Solomon tracked me down despite my name change and told me about an upcoming school reunion with people I haven't seen in thirty years, my family saw the excitement in my face (these friends from Park School were some really great people) and made sure that I said "Yes". It is in Brookline, Mass. I am going to Montana later that month to see my sister who will have just had her first baby! I could so easily think about this being way too much indulgence, too much time for me. But they made me do it - I said '"yes".

Transplanting

2009-03-31T16:58:00.007-04:00

These represent just a few of the trays of "China Choi" (similar to Bok Choi) that were transplanted out of the green house and into a high tunnel today. It was beautifully overcast. I took lots of pictures of farming and of boys. They were trans-planting too, in their own way:

I have more tutorials and recipes coming soon to the farm blog. The tutorial will be created with pictures, not video, as my video camera battery charger has been transplanted into another realm. There is some kind of black-market in camera/video chargers going on in this house. More likely, there's a really bored ghost who likes to see me running from outlet to outlet, screaming and pulling my hair out over having lost yet another one! Just a few weeks ago I had to buy a new charger for my camera, and both my sister and Danielle may have lost their chargers here.

My friend Beth has a ferret that has been known to hide her husband's cell phone (as well as Jesse's yu gi oh card case last week) deep within the stuffing of a mattress . We don't have a ferret. We do have a cat that has been moved outside, so could have grounds for revenge. But how could she have unplugged the chargers from the outlets without electrocuting herself in the process - especially with all that spraying she was so fond of doing everywhere - when she lived inside. Besides, I think she likes her new post, from which she gets to scare away the birds and pounce on the frogs in our pond.She swallows them whole (when I don't get there first) and then spits them back out.

Yeah. Gross, and mean. I am a big lover of frogs.

Maybe it is her...

For less rambling and some good, practical, illuminating farm talk - see my other blog. It is far more respectable.

A few amazing women

2009-03-29T10:39:00.011-04:00

Last week, the kids, Nicolas and I went to see the annual Habima theater production. This year it was "Once Upon a Mattress". I think this may have been the best production yet. My friend (who also happens to be my father's looong time girlfriend and Gillen's Godmama) Dina Shadwell has been directing this group for nine years. She received a BIG Atlanta theater award a few years ago and for that occasion a video was made that introduces some of the Habima actors. Check it out here on the theater's web site. This group of "special needs" actors glow with pride and enthusiasm in every production I have seen. They always get all of us laughing and crying with joy as a result of their shine! I wish that I had posted about this earlier so that those who live in Atlanta could go (they just ended this year's run) but be sure to catch it next year. I am so grateful to know Dina and get to witness her magic as a director and as a woman. She brings out the best in everybody. She needs to run for office.

I also feel inspired right now by these two amazing artist/photographers - Stephanie and Jen. They have entered a contest to win money towards making their dream job assignment happen. Their idea is so beautiful that they have risen through the ranks of many applicants to be major contenders to win this contest! Their idea is about hope. Here is their video:
Shutter Sisters Dream Assignment: Picture Hope from LittlePurpleCow Productions on Vimeo

Movie making in Newborn, GA

2009-03-24T13:42:00.011-04:00

Until yesterday, I had not had a chance to use our new digital video camera (is that even what they are now called?). When we first got it, the kids made many skateboard and bike stunt videos and I helped them with those a bit. But I hadn't picked it up for my self before, with my own vision in mind, until last night. I taped our first film for the new farm blog and then spent much of the night learning how to edit. I went out again this morning and filmed some more. I'd like to just spend the next week doing nothing but learning how to make a video. But then I remember that I have children who need to eat and wear clean clothes and explore the world.

Though, I can't feel entirely selfish. This new interest of mine did provoke Jesse and a few of his friends to make their own movie, about an eight-ball and the way its answers lead them into doing all kinds of strange, mysterious things. They had their first brainstorming session in the fort at the farm this morning:They ran to find us, an hour later, filled with ideas and a filming schedule, and asking for a camera. Luckily, Logan has a video camera that he will bring next time so I didn't have to re-learn how to share, yet. Maybe we are all being inspired by the Hollywood film trucks and actor trailers that are presently taking over the tiny town of Newborn next to our farm. I took a picture of them while driving by. As you can tell, my eyes stayed on the road.Their movie is in a far different genre. They are making Halloween 2, starring freaky good Malcolm McDowall. I hope that Jesse and crew's "8-Ball" is a lot less horrific. I know my organic vegetable films will be.

A Farm Blog

2009-03-22T17:16:00.004-04:00

Finally. I spent the whole day starting a blog for the farm. It will have video tutorials on farming, recipes, lists of what will be available at our market and store each week. You can't tell that it took me all day. Whew! Moving in with a new web host was a lot more disorienting than I anticipated.

So, less farm, more kids and more unschooling rambling to come here! Sound fun? Or will you all abandon me for that farmer's wife over at the farm blog? ; )

Farm Tour

2009-03-20T15:48:00.016-04:00

The Georgia Organics conference is happening in Decatur this year, only 45 minutes from our farm. So seventy of the conference participants came on a bus to our neck of the woods for a farm tour.

For the first time in years, I watched Nicolas' whole tour. He is quite a speaker. And he looked good - talking about his Belgian roots, his hoop houses, his asparagus, and general farming advice, under a cloudless sky. He had put on one of his least-worn button-up farm shirts for the occasion. When Gillen went with him to the farm this morning I heard him ask Nicolas why he was so dressed up. :) Here he is at the asparagus bed.Tom Stearns, who owns High Mowing Seeds (and whom we drank lots of wine with at Terra Madre) is in the red plaid shirt and vest to the left. He's created a hugely successful business by simply growing organic plants for seeds. He is also one of the guys talking and writing about Slow Money.

In a few weeks, Nicolas and Jesse are going to work with a big Atlanta chef on a cooking demo at our Atlanta organic market. The audience will be elementary school kids. I'm so glad that Jesse wants to do this. He's really excited. I had to take a picture of them today for publicity:Gillen also led a tour, in which he talked about his turkey business, the hoop houses and the worm farm. He speaks (maybe :) even better than his father. I hadn't even known he knew all that! Very cool. Here he is explaining about the worms:And after being asked what they look like:Tonight, Nicolas and I are going to a small Slow Food dinner that will include Michael Pollan. He is in town to speak at the Georgia Organics conference tomorrow tonight. I hope I don't gush - through my mouth or arm pits. I'm really impressed by his ability as a writer and am grateful that he got so many people talking about factory farming, organics and eating local. Though I am not as enamored as my friend Helen (whom I really hope gets to meet him tomorrow night), I did put on lipstick; and I am going to put my telephoto lens on my camera so as to capture him from afar.

Lemons to Lemonade

2009-03-19T20:35:00.018-04:00

Heart Rockin'Mama , a new-to-me blogger (whom I'm glad I'll get to meet this summer at the New England Unschooling Conference) passed me this award. I like the spirit of making lemonade out of lemons, a lot.

Here are the rules:

1) Put the logo on your blog or post. 2) Nominate at least 10 blogs that show great attitude or gratitude. 3) Link to your nominees within your post. 4) Let the nominees know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog. 5) Share the love and link to the person from who you received your award.

So, here are the blogs I would like to nominate (I did less than ten, just to spike the lemonade a bit with my ornery ways. I was too sweet for too long. O.K. So, I just felt most moved by these and felt like stopping...)

1) I am excited about being able to pass on the award to Angie, who has had some serious lemons falling on her over the past three months. With her spirit, she just can't help but make lemonade, even when they're really sour.

2) Also worthy is Vicky whose husband had a horrible work accident recently but they have overcome and are soon going to be back on the bus, unschooling on the road.

3) Gail is always so positive.

4) The Pile Of O'Melays keep making not just lemonade but all of their own clothes and food and farm buildings. They are irrepressible, despite many challenges.

5) Alecto is another one. Her perseverance is inspiring. Her latest blog post is about the time when her parachute didn't open! She survived that, at sixteen, and has survived much bigger challenges ever since.

6) Jen Lemen taps into the world's sadness and transforms it with her amazing art, and as a witness to those who are overcoming great challenges in Africa.

7) Kelli has great attitude.

8) Mindy has great gratitude.

ARGH!

2009-03-18T18:36:00.003-04:00

In this case, not the pirate sound, but the name for a semi-annual gathering of autodidactic learners in cabins at Roan Mountain, TN. The kids and I went for the first time this weekend. There were no speakers or much of a schedule and it was so relaxed. On the last night, Jesse declared, emphatically, that we need to go to every ARGH from now on. I think that would be swell. To think, I almost let some torrential rain keep me from making the drive. It was Jesse who convinced me that I must persevere. I like when they persuade me to jump outside of my comfort zone.

One of the highlights was having the blogger/author Patti Digh talk and read to us from her book, Life is a Verb - 37 Days - essays about the question of what she would do differently if she knew that she only had 37 days left to live. I bought the book. It is filled with amazing art and provocative,inspiring ideas. She too grew up a red head, in awe of her library and of Pippi Longstocking. For this, and so many more reasons, I was smitten. Here she is with (the also inspiring) Kelli:Mindy and Gail, just two of the many wise, generous unschooling women that I get so much out of seeing: It's also fun to see the ageless men:and non age-segregating kids (especially the teens):There was henna, beading, knitting, pool, table tennis, nerf gun battles, Bananagrams, Yu Gi Oh, football, In a Pickle, Catch Phrase, a pot luck...Here was the setting, as captured by Gillen on the last morning. He was on his way back to our cabin having generously agreed to venture out and retrieve my camera from another cabin - far, far away - where I had left it the night before. Both of my guys were so generously helpful, and so happy to be on this trip that I feel capable of traveling even further with them alone in the future. I will overcome any fear of fatigue. Argh! I am adventurous woman.

Just look at how ~~humiliatingly foolhardy~~ adventurous I can be. Jesse asked me to jump into the talent show with him at the very last second, and I did, attaching us together first like this - and then leading the patient talent show crowd in "chair yoga". (There's no one more encouraging or patient than an unschooling talent show audience).Thank you Laura and Ren for putting it all together.
Actually, in the picture, they are Ren and Laura. Both tall, beautiful, Converse-wearing , artistic, loving mamas, TN-dwelling and goofy, whatever order you put them in, I think that they are meant to create things together.

Farm Gifts

2009-03-13T20:53:00.004-04:00

From Gillen - wild peach and plum blossoms with the unique addition of straw. I love this boy's bouquets.
The following picture is from tonight. The farmers brought home the season's first asparagus. In Nicolas' hand is the farm's first ever cilantro! I wish that I could post the invigorating smell. Nicolas is trying to recreate the look he had in this picture, from last year, when he brought me asparagus for the very first time. My gratitude was immense.
If you get some asparagus this spring (and I so hope that you do) please try roasting it, with olive oil and coarse salt. Oh! Green ecstacy. For me, this is the taste of spring.

Visionary Dinner

2009-03-12T09:49:00.006-04:00

Last night, Nicolas and I were guests at the annual visionary dinner. It is put on by Southface, a non-profit organization that promotes sustainable living, particularly sustainable housing. I learned from the keynote speaker, Bracken Hendricks, that housing accounts for almost half of our total energy needs. Wow. That is a lot. Imagine if we just changed all future housing (and renovated current housing) to safe, carbon efficient or carbon-neutral what an impact that would have on our future? Imagine the jobs entailed in doing this? Hendricks' emphasis was upon confronting the economic crisis and global warming with hope and vision, seeing crisis as an opportunity for change. He quoted Martin Luther King - "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Nicolas and I have been working towards reducing our carbon footprint, but could do so much more. Our dryer (yes, all winter I used the dryer) is starting to die so there is my crisis that will create positive change. I just need a better clothes drying rack situation, in the light and out from under our bug filled trees.

We have been to these dinners before but this was the first time that we were seated at a front table. Nicolas' arugula and green garlic were used by the brilliant Iron Chef winner Kevin Rathbun in his short ribs main course and Nicolas and I(!) were asked to stand. They even showed the audience the video that Whole Foods had produced about Nicolas, as well as a few about other local sustainable meat farmers whose food we were eating. It was exciting to see emphasis placed upon the whole, big sustainable picture - from the food we eat to the houses we choose to build, to the policy we choose to support. We were seated at the Whole Foods table and I was impressed by how much they are doing to promote more sustainable practices, particularly more humane animal farming policies. The event took place at a ballroom in the Georgia Aquarium. We ate next to the Beluga whales on one side and the whale sharks on another. They are magnificent. I admit to feeling a little bit conflicted about these big guys' indoor housing as well as about the fact that Coca Cola won an award for promoting sustainability. But just a very little bit. It was a delicious, hopeful night.

Citizen Nicolas Pierre Aglae Marie Joseph Donck

2009-03-10T17:12:00.001-04:00

We spent much of the day today in the Atlanta Homeland Security Office, where the kids and I witnessed Nicolas going through the last step of the long process of becoming a U.S. citizen. Well, mostly we sat in a waiting room. But then finally, after three hours of playing hang-man and twenty questions and lots of talk about hunger (we hadn't expected it to take so long and had not eaten) we entered the "ceremony room" and got to witness the swearing-in of Nicolas and 120 other newly approved citizens. There were 52 countries represented. A lot of people had many friends and family there to celebrate this rite of passage with them. Although Nicolas chose to get his citizenship mostly due to his father and I nudging him to do so (I wanted him to be able to vote, and his dad - to have the same passport as the kids and I when we are overseas), it was a very big deal for most of the people in that room today. I don't think that we should take ourselves so seriously, as United States citizens, but also, I never want to take the privilege of what it represents for granted.

And yes, this post's title does include Nicolas' legal name. It is made up of his godparents' names and, humorously, the parents of Jesus. He has no idea from whence this tradition sprung - whether it was family or religion or Belgium. He doesn't give things like this much thought. He is busy thinking about how many potatoes he needs to get in the ground when he finally gets back to the farm. He is the salt of the earth, citizen of this planet. I'm grateful he is here in this corner of it with me.

Gillen's Farm Tour

2009-03-09T17:00:00.006-04:00

Today, maybe inspired by his outfit (my cowboy boots and one of the worker's hats) Gillen was all about showing me the farm. I wish I'd had the good camera, but it had run out of battery. At least I had the old point and shoot. It was definitely a day to remember.

He showed me the giant worm farm that he and Nicolas recently created with cement bricks and a tin cover. He showed me that the Saw Tooth Oak trees that he planted last fall are finally taking root in their pots:
Here, while shooting my tour guide cowboy, my focus wandered to the left of his hat - do you see it? That eery black hole in the hoop house plastic? A barn cat created this hole while sliding down off of the hoop house roof after a sun bath. Because really , what are all beds, hoop houses, toys, bath mats and walls for but to hold (and receive the spray of) cats. Yes, my nights are still punctuated by the hourly Fracas vaudeville show...But, back to the light of day, and the sweetness of spring.

For this next part of the tour, you must travel through time with me to the year 2013. Gillen is just months away from turning sixteen. In preparation for getting his learner's permit, he is practicing driving the farm truck - the Isuzu Pup. Gotta love a pup. Notice it isn't the "Isuzu kitten".
Here he is, in that speck of a truck in the distance, driving his trusting little brother over creek and dale to the back fields. To think, just ~~minutes ago~~ four short years ago, he was only eleven and couldn't have done this. Thanks to the magic of time travel, all arrived safely and took a break at the creek.There was much more water than usual. In the recent heavy rain and snow, one of the beaver dams was broken. Not only do we have a much more forcefully bubbling creek, the beaver pond (that had been expanding through the woods for many years) is much reduced. Gillen pointed out the break in the dam.Behind farm-touring Jesse's hat (looking appropriately touristic with that label poking down) are the grasses of what used to be (and probably will be again) the water-covered wet lands.
We then travelled by truck (with me as a truly impressed passenger) to the farm's "rock beach" where we spent a few hours swimming, reading, catching crawfish and finding rocks. We have decided to do this a lot more often. It was so peaceful. With "the pup", it is such a quick, whinge-free journey. And maybe Gillen can teach me to shift (it's true, except for perspectives, I don't yet shift). We vowed to earn the watering hole privilege by doing a bit more sweating on the farm next time with this guy, first.

Song Title Meme

2009-03-08T21:08:00.004-04:00

Using only song titles from ONE artist (your choice), cleverly answer these questions. Not that easy...try it. Or not. I saw this on Frank's blog.

Mine are from Cat Stevens

1. Are you male or female: Hard Headed Woman

2. Describe yourself: On the Road to Find Out

3. How do you feel about yourself: Oh Very Young

4. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: Pop Star

5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: I’ve Found a Love

6. Describe your current location: Miles From Nowhere

7. Describe where you want to be: Home

8. Your best friend is: I Love Them All

9. Your favorite color is: Morning Has Broken, Moon Shadow

10. You know that: It’s a Super Life

11. What's the weather like: Silent Sunlight

12. If your life were a television show what would it be called? Changes

13. What is life to you: But I Might Die Tonight

14. What is the best advice you have to give: If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out